get acquainted

Chapter Two

encounters to get acquainted

[Parichaya Kàraóam Abhiyoga Prakaraóa]

Union is reached after a long association.

The ways of attaining a union with married women are described.

1 According to the ancient authors of the Kàma Úàstra, if one manages to seduce a woman by one’s own means, there is no need of an intermediary. Usually, however, one gets to possess a woman thanks to the subtle intrigues of a messenger.

According to the opinion of the masters, a boy can himself establish relations with an independent woman. On the other hand, in the case of a woman married to a monogamous man, who secretly desires to unite with another man, whether or not she shows her desire, a go-between is necessary for success.

2 According to Vàtsyàyana, if one can, it is better to do things by oneself in all cases. However, if there are difficulties, a go-between should be used.

As far as other men’s wives are concerned, one must strive to reach one’s goal by one’s own means. If one cannot manage, a go-between must be made use of.

From a general point of view.

3 One must speak boldly to her ‘without reserve, when she accepts an encounter. If she makes difficulties, it is the go-between’s job to convince her.

If be shows sufficient boldness, the hero may overcome her virtue without an intermediary. If the hero can talk freely to her, without taboos, what need would he have of an intermediary from the moment she shows she is disposed to discuss the situation? If she makes difficulties, one should remember the saying, “Often those who refuse have already lost their innocence. They make difficulties only with words.”

Sometimes women who have already lost their virtue and have had several experiences are nevertheless difficult to approach. If the hero has no opportunity to speak to them, he does it through an emissary, since otherwise they cannot be easily conquered.

It is not recommended to take action during the first encounter, for fear of lack of hygiene or of the body’s being affected by some sickness. To examine her oneself at the moment of union would be uncouth. It is by acting with full knowledge that relations are established. It is said:

4 “If one wishes to copulate, before all else, one must know with whom one is involved.”

It is better to have her examined by a messenger.

If the hero wishes to make sure himself, he must first get to know her in brief meetings.

5 Meetings may be spontaneous or planned.

6 Occasional meetings take place near her own house. When arranged, they take place in the dwelling of a friend, an acquaintance, a teacher, a doctor, at weddings, religious ceremonies, archery, or walks in the gardens.

Meetings near the home may be accidental, but are often intentional. In a friend’s house, while visiting a neighbor, at weddings, etc., they are the result of planning.

There are two -kinds of meeting, according to whether they take place indoors or outside. The first kind is described thus:

7 To understand a woman’s mentality, her behavior must be studied constantly; the way she undoes her hair, cuts her nails, adorns herself with jewels, bites her lower lip. It is by studying all these attitudes that one learns to know her. One should also listen to what her kin say about her; the gifts she receives; whether she sits on a friend’s knees; whether she sometimes interrupts a conversation by yawning with a frown; “whether she quietly gives advice to those listening to her; whether, out of a spirit of contradiction, she says the opposite when a young man says something, just to please herself; whether she lets the boys kiss her and embrace her; whether she takes betel from their mouth; whether she lets strangers scratch her chin [pubis]. This means that a woman behaving thus can be obtained if the opportunity arises.

One’s behavior to her must be based on a study of her nature, through her appearance, expressions, glances revealing her state of mind, the way in which she does and undoes her hair, cuts her nails, looks after her body and adorns it with jewels, bites her lower lip, puts her finger in her sex to scratch it, listens willingly to the flattering words of her friends. He also examines her kin, the gifts she accepts from strangers so that the donor can take advantage of her, the way in which she sits on a friend’s knees or interrupts a conversation with a yawn and a frown, saying in a low and hesitant voice, “Who was it who was talking to me?” Whether she allows herself to be touched by young people or lets herself be masturbated, rather than do it herself. Bivalent, she is attached to a boy and is the mistress of another. Behaving thus, she is clearly only interested in whatever pleases her. Receiving advice or scoldings from others, she does not bother about what might be the outcome of her bad conduct. Such a woman, who has experienced boys’ kisses and caresses, sucking their tongue, who is young and scratches her pubic area, is always ready for an amorous adventure with one or another. If a boy seeks to have relations with her, he may touch her body, breast, thighs, and back as much as he pleases, caressing her or making her suffer.

She gives a double meaning to what people say to her; what she thinks of one, she attributes to another. She sucks the lips of the boy she has chosen and embraces him. She sucks the boy’s tongue. With her little finger, she scratches below the pubic area. Considering both time and place, a capable boy will reach his goal.

8 Relations are easy with a boy who has been close to her since childhood, playing amorous games and children’s games; whose gifts she has received; and who told her tales when she was with him: “He who is skillful with words wins people’s friendship and establishes a bond with them.” Hiding himself, but in such a way that she can hear him, he recites the Kàma Sùtra.

He has been close to the girl. While playing together, he treated her with gentleness and affection, lending her children’s playthings, balls, etc. Giving and returning things creates a bond. On reaching intimate terms, he would speak to her of love and, when she has fallen in love with him, he establishes amorous relations with her. In order to create a bond, pretending that he had something to do, he would come and go to her house. Being interested in what he was doing and by going to-and-fro, she would never think of anyone else. Hiding in some place within earshot of her, he would recite the Kàma Sùtra in such a way as to let her understand the meaning. He would do it while pretending not to have seen her. Otherwise, if she had seen him, she would have treated him as a deceiver. In this connection:

9 When their mutual acquaintance develops, he lends her objects and takes them back. Each day, at every moment, she keeps something, such as, for example, scented betel nuts.

When their familiarity increases, he leaves with her things that he has collected for her to look after and then give back to him. Leaving something and taking something back every day, she keeps a part of what she finds useful, such as scented things. In this way, in the daily giving and taking back of things she keeps for a little while, he manages to see her frequently.

10 Then, at family gatherings with the other women of his family, they find themselves together, sitting on separate seats.

With the agreement of the other women of his house, he invites her for a meal with them in order to chat with her.

11 By seeing her frequently, he manages to win her confidence.

And strengthens their amorous relationship.

12 He has ‘whatever ornamental objects she may desire made by the goldsmith, the jeweler, the makers of flower garlands, and others. He procures them to give to her either with the aid of his people, or else procures them by himself.

He has the objects she desires made by the jeweler, goldsmith, florist, dressmaker, and others.

13 Thus, by means of constant attention over a long time, to the knowledge of all, he ends by being accepted.

He has been noted by everyone for a long time. On seeing him, they immediately understand.

14 After which, he undertakes other activities to please her.

Having finished one job, he takes on another, so as to see her constantly.

15 Anything she needs in the form of work, objects, skills, he shows his devotion by fulfilling or by finding the means to procure them for her.

He fulfills her every need, or teaches her to do so, by bringing competent people.

16 He converses with her and her servants to show her ancient customs and practices, and judge the quality of products.

17 When she consults him about some transaction, he explains how she should go about it.

Thus, in connection with the purchase of things, he gets the girl used to consulting him.

18 When discussing with her, he declares she is wonderful and clever, which facilitates relations.

In this connection, the author quotes:

19 “Once mutual acquaintance has been established, noting her signs and expressions, he approaches the girl with a view to uniting with her. Such sexual relations are performed secretly if the girl is a virgin. Thus she is opened by him when he unites with her.”

Once they know one another, according to her signs and expressions, seeing she is ready, he unites with her.

He takes her as indicated in the chapter “Union with the Girl,” in which the necessary approaches are indicated for seducing the girl. Girls are dissimulating, so discretion is necessary in order to possess them, while those who amuse themselves openly can be pursued without hesitation.

20 With a woman whose nature one knows and with whom feelings are reciprocal, whatever one possesses is shared: everything is held in common.

There is no longer any difference in their feelings and she shows what she feels. Thus they share whatever they possess: he utilizes the ‘woman’s objects and she takes his.

21 This involves precious perfumes, scarves, flowers, and also rings. Then, accepting betel from his hand, when she is getting ready to go to a reception, he asks her for the flower she has put in her hair.

When she has changed her attitude, he offers her rare perfumes with a strong scent, flowers from the north that he has found, rings of great value. After this, she accepts some betel from the boy’s hand and, when she consents to accompany him to a reception or for a walk, he begs her to give him the flower fixed in her hair. In such a way, he reaches his goal.

22 He marks the expensive perfumes or precious objects he gives her with his nails or teeth, as a souvenir.

When the boy gives her perfumes and precious objects, if he has them delivered by someone else, he marks them with his nails or teeth as a souvenir, to remind her that it comes from him. By this special means, he shows his feelings.

23 By means of repeated encounters, an indestructible relationship is created.

Often, a faithful liaison is created between a married woman and a man.

Quoting another author:

24 “Gradually, he touches different parts of her body, caresses her, embraces her. Then he offers her some betel. When she gives him back the borrowed objects, he caresses her secret parts, after which, he possesses her.”

When they find themselves in a solitary place, he caresses the various parts of her body. She allows him to do so; he embraces her, and so on. . . . He caresses the area of her sex, the lower part of the body, the springing of the thighs: then he mounts her.

25 Having made love once, he need not attempt to recommence.

Having taken her, he does not start on a second copulation.

26 She was taken in such a way as to make the copulation pleasant for her. Such an experience must not be repeated.

By the pleasure she found in it, the fact of having been taken is dear to her. She does not desire another experience.

27 According to an ancient saying, “In the house where the husband sees or hears speak of the misconduct of other women, it is difficult to find one who is easily accessible.”

28 An intelligent man, careful of his own interests, does not try to seduce a woman of doubtful origin, who is over-protected, fearful, or endowed with a stepmother.

Doubtful means of badly defined origins, protected by weapons, fearful of her husband. It is better not to seduce her. He does not let himself be attracted, since it would not be a sure blow.

An individual who is careful of his own interests should not seek to have, even by accident, relations with a woman who is undecided, protected, fearful, or endowed with a stepmother.

There are two aspects to the desire to sleep with another man’s wife: if she is a girl whose virginity has never been taken, the man needs no go-between. He should boldly see to it himself with his own means. Since the girl has no experience, she can easily be caught in the net. An astute expenditure in this connection does not go without results.

To attract women who have experience of these games, however, it is better to use the services of a messenger, serving as an intermediatory, who will know how to interpret the signs and clues, to know whether the girl is innocent or experienced.

In both cases, if one can do without an intermediary, it is better to trust to one’s own efforts. It is only if obstacles are encountered during the enterprise that the aid of an intermediary is useful.

In any attempt to attract someone, acquaintance must first be made and love allowed to develop during the encounters. One must strive to see her and to be seen by her. While walking, as if by chance, their glances meet, but also on special occasions, festivals, etc., meetings can be arranged. One must know how to hug children and take them in one’s arms, which are outward ways of getting acquainted. Gradually, they start speaking to each other and a bond is established. Once this first contact has been made, occasions for meeting will be found, and by coming and going to her house, a certain familiarity is established. She must be brought betel, nutmegs, sugarcane, which she can keep at home, thus getting into the habit of giving and taking. In this way, permanent relations are established and there are occasions for speaking together. One must gradually take over the burden of certain tasks, attend to what she desires at the jeweler’s, the goldsmith’s, and so on, and order jewels for her. One must always cut a fine figure in front of her and loudly praise her knowledge.

He starts talking to her concerning nothing in particular and strives to include her servants in the discussion. Women are very quickly caught up in the vortex of a discussion. One must praise their ability and presence of mind.

In order to trap other men’s wives, the author of the Kàma Sùtra indicates above all the importance of a language code. Thus, the man, instead of being called by his name, is known as “the fruit,” the woman “the flower,” and the family “the root.”

The use of these conventional signs must not be revealed to anyone. The messenger teaches them to the heroine, to be used by her when people are present. They can also be employed when writing letters.

Besides the spoken language, there is also a language of parts of the body (aòga saòketa), of flowers (puûpabhàûà saòketa), of betel, of clothing, and of small packages (potali), which form five secret codes.

In the language of flowers: red flowers are used to indicate love; orange to indicate separation; if love is not reciprocal, a black ribbon; if the lover wears a necklace of this sort when leaving her, the girl knows that she is no longer loved. The beloved gets to know her lover’s state of mind by means of flowers. Instead of bringing them themselves, lover and beloved send flower garlands to each other by messenger.

The ways of communicating by signs are not possible without learning them. They serve for citizens who have studied the art of love. For peasants or simple people they have no meaning. In love, they behave like animals. In practice, sign language, whether or not learned, becomes established between lovers.

Meetings are occasions on which lover and beloved can be together, but this does not imply an opportunity for misconduct. By means of various signs, attracting the beloved and inspiring trust in her, “e strives to meet her. One should not hurry with this kind of activity. Patience and precautions are needed, as well as exchanges and gifts. Through his gifts, the lover shows his feeling, his good taste, and his qualities. Then he must conquer the woman’s doubts, hesitation, and rears.

Once her hesitation and fears have been removed, one may commence with kisses and caresses. A place must be found, however, where they can set up their nest. Women who keep a house of call are rapacious, and have to be paid. In large towns, there are many specialized houses where women go to meet their lover, on the pretext of visiting temple. Besides such places, the authors of the treatise speak of others that are convenient for adulterers, which are: barns, fields thick with rye, the inner courtyard of a house, ruined and deconsecrated temples, ruins, the gardener’s house, the house of the dove breeder, cemeteries, riverbanks.

According to the Sàhitya Darpana, “There are eight places where one can hide for love meetings. These are fields, gardens, ruined temples, the courtyard of the go-between, a caravansery, cemeteries, the bank of a river.

Best of all is the dwelling of a known and trusted go-between. If such a house cannot be found, it is better to find an isolated spot in the forest. “The young girl was entranced to see the unmoving lotus leaves, of a pure emerald color, spread out for her to rest her brow” (Kàvya Prakàúa).

End of the Second Chapter

Encounters to Get Acquainted

of the Fifth Part entitled Other Men’s Wives