How To Manage Alone

Chapter Four

How To Manage Alone

[ekapuruûa abhiyoga]

1 Having marked all the favorable signs, he turns his attention to the means of uniting with her.

Since no one assists him, he must manage alone, although he may well be able to find some support.

When it is clear that the girl is enamored, the young man seeks to establish relations with her.

Such relations may be of two kinds, external or internal. The former is described first.

2 Playing at dice or other games, when they argue, he takes her hand lovingly.

Saying to her, “You claim I am cheating,” he takes her hand tenderly, “but it is I who have caught you.”

When they argue, while playing chess or other games, the hero sizes the heroine’s hand, in such a way as to cause a strong sensation in her.

3 He puts his arm lightly [spåûþaka] around her, as previously described.

Seizing favorable opportunities and moments, he practices the four kinds of embrace: light, penetrating [viddhaka], stirring [uddhåûþaka], and tight [pìditaka],

4 To make her understand his intentions, he shows her cut-outs representing copulation.

He shows her geese and other animals making love.

5 Sometimes, he also shows her other things.

Such as erotic paintings and other objects. Gradually, her curiosity is aroused and she is no longer bothered by their obscenity.

6 When bathing, he dives some “way off and then draws near to her and touches her before emerging.

While underwater, he touches her and then comes up beside her.

7 He describes the nature of his feelings by writing on fresh palm leaves, or other Substances.

In accordance with the popular game, in order to let her know his feelings and to show her his intentions, he writes them down on palm leaves.

8 He talks to her endlessly about his heartache: “You cannot imagine how much I suffer.” He reaches his goal by sheer force of saying these things.

9 He also tells her his dreams, revealing his feelings.

On the pretext of making a comparison with reality, he tells her that it came to him in a dream.

It is useful to recount dreams, if it aids your plans.

10 At the theater, or during family reunions, he conies and sits next to her and finds some pretext for touching her.

At receptions or family reunions, he places himself close to the girl. He is always beside her at the theater and takes advantage of the fact in order to touch her.

11 She finds herself with no defense, squeezed against him. He presses his leg against hers.

12 Then, gradually, he touches one of her fingers.

Very gently, after a while.

13 He scratches the tip of her big toenail.

14 Having done this, he draws his leg higher up hers.

Having scratched her with his nail, he gently goes higher up her leg, as far as the groin.

15 He does it gradually, so that she should not resist.

To get her wed to it, he must press against her limbs the whole time.

16 Leaning thus on her thigh, he takes hold of her toes and squeezes them.

17 Things given or received must always be an odd number.

Whether objects or bunches of flowers, but even when he takes hold of her with his nails.

18 After drinking, he lets a few drops of water fall on her.

19 If they are seated in an isolated place or in the dark, she forgives him easily, likewise when they are lying down next to each other.

While strolling, sitting down at times when the girl is not frightened, she will allow him to touch her nails; likewise if they are seated or lying on the same bed.

In an isolated place in the dark, sitting close to one another, he gently caresses the girl, who resists no longer. When seated or lying on the same bed, he scratches her gently.

20 At such moments, he can learn her feelings, if she puts up no resistance.

And does not protest.

21 When they are alone, he says, “I have something to tell you.” From her reply, “What is it about?,” he can deduce her state of mind. This will be explained in the part entitled “Other Men’s Wives.”

From her manner of closing the conversation, he can tell her state of mind. Her kind of reply is a test of her mood. In deducing her state of mind from these spontaneous signs, he can tell up to what point she is in lave.

After which, the boy says what is on his mind and can thus verify its effect on the girl.

22 Finding her in a favorable mood, when she claims to have a headache, he seizes the opportunity to take her back to his home for a short talk.

23 Once they are in the house, in order to get rid of her headache, he takes her hand, and affectionately strokes her eyes and brow.

24 He explains that this action is the most efficacious remedy.

She says, “Your hand is the best of remedies. At the touch of your hand, my headache vanished.”

25 “I am the one who must give you this treatment. It would not be seemly for a young girl to have it done by another.” Continuing in this way, the bond of affection grows between them.

When they leave each other, she intimates that he should return.

26 This treatment is recommended for three nights, three evenings.

The result is as follows:

27 Seeing her go to his home, rumors increase.

Since she is interested in the arts and in legends, she always stays a long time.

28 She tries to justify herself with those who question her, but without revealing anything.

29 According to Ghotakamukha, even if one has the idea of going far away afterward, girls must not be dishonored.

Ghotakamukha, who is an expert on the subject, explains that, however much trust you may have in her, and she in you, she must not be placed in any difficulty.

30 When one’s approaches have met with success, one must finish by acting and by mounting her [upakrama].

31 In the evening or in the darkness of the night, a woman is defenseless if amorous advances are made to her. She is ready for the act of love, and the man is not unaware of it. For this reason, at such a moment, one must change over to action, which is what normally happens.

At night, when no one can see them, women desire to make love, and to have themselves taken. They do not defend themselves, and are perfect partners in copulation. They must therefore be satisfied by means of the act desired.

32 A single man, living apart from the woman he loves, needs the assistance of her nurse or a girlfriend to go and visit her and bring her back to his own home. After which, he acts as described above.

33 To begin with, he sends one of his own maidservants, pretending to be a girlfriend, to her house.

34 He observes her reactions during religious ceremonies (yajña], weddings, journeys, festivals, or when a funeral cortege is passing by, and it is by taking into account her state of mind at these different times that he manages to possess her.

Meaning, to accomplish a gàndharva marriage by mutual agreement. Under such circumstances, people are easily put off the scent (vyagra). These are good opportunities for the lover to carry out a gàndharva marriage (free union) with his beloved, inasmuch as he is already assured of her feelings, having observed the same for a long time.

35 According to Vàtsyàyana, at times and places when women show they are ready to surrender, one should never retract.

After having tested the woman’s feelings many times, when, during a religious or other kind of festival, she gives you the sign, you must not reverse your policy (nata).

If due to lack of money or for some other reason, you are unable to manage, alone, to unite with a girl who is enamored of you, she, in turn, will change her mind. It is known as a change of direction: in changing her attitude, she will turn her back on you.

What are the reasons for breaking off?

36 An honest girl, but with a doubtful reputation, without wealth, coining from a good family but not having found a husband, or else an orphan of unknown origin, must herself attend to catching a boy to marry her.

What means are employed in such an initiative?

37 She can marry a good boy, sturdy and handsome, with whom she has been pledged since childhood.

It all depends on the boy’s attitude.

38 She must not reject a simpleton who appears to be wholly under his parents’ influence, or one who lacks sexual drive. By showing kindness and seeing him often, she will end up by attracting him.

By pretending she loves him, she establishes a relationship. By means of behavior that pleases him, she makes him happy and turns him in her favor.

A girl who thinks that a sexually deficient young man, who remains at home with his parents, could be captured by her, takes an interest in his moods and, in various ways, manages to attract him.

39 The girl’s mother, nurse, and friends must collaborate in making the boy malleable.

To overcome the boy’s shyness, they say nice things to him both in public and in private.

40 When he is alone, or at unwonted times, they visit him, bringing flowers, scents, and betel in their hands. They show him skillful applications of the arts, stay with him while he is being massaged or has a headache, telling him pleasing things, all the while seeking to arouse his interest in the girl.

The girl must flatter the boy she has in mind, when he is alone or at unexpected moments. She brings him flowers, perfumes, betel, or garlands. She shows him her skill at some of the sixty-four arts. She tells him things that please him. She uses the means described above.

41 However, she herself must not invite a man to her house. The Master says that a young girl who offers herself destroys her own chances.

However anxious she may be to find a husband, a girl must never take the initiative. A woman who is excited, enterprising in love, destroys any chance she has with men.

42 If he takes the initiative in uniting with her, she must then seize the opportunity and let him do what he wants.

She should not resist.

43 When he takes her in his arms, she should not show her passion. She gently offers no resistance, with a stupid air, so that he takes her lips by force.

The boy should not be aware of her excitation. She must not allow her feelings to be guessed from her behavior. She must not give him like for like, but be submissive and gentle, all the while being ready for him to embrace her by force.

When the boy clasps, embraces, and caresses her, she must not show her own desire. She must play the fool, as though she did not understand the boy’s movements, which she accepts, while contriving to get him to embrace her by force.

44 Even if she is intensely excited, she must make difficulties if he wishes to touch her sex.

Even if she is excited when the boy tries to touch her secret parts, she restrains his hand from attempting to reach them.

45 Even if she wishes to, she must not uncover herself until the marriage date is certain.

Although they have a reciprocal desire to see each other’s sexual parts, the girl must not, whatever the boy’s efforts, let him touch them or examine her sex, since it is never certain that he will finally marry her.

46 If she is convinced that his feelings for her will not change, she may give herself to him, foregoing her virginity.

According to the gàndharva practice of free marriage, she allows him to break her hymen.

47 Once free of the state of virginity, she confides to highly trusted girlfriends that she has made a gàndharva marriage.

Here ends the subject of reversing roles [prayojyasya upàvartana].

She confides to her friends, “I have made a gàndharva marriage, by mutual agreement.” This way of attaining one’s goal is practiced by many. Cohabitation with a girl is allowed, cohabitation being an acknowledged status.

Here ends the subject of the girl who, through her own skill, manages to take possession of a boy who wanted nothing to do with her. In this connection, here are a few quotations:

48 One must marry a girl who is desirous of being united, who dreams of the happiness of being protected, who is obliging and submissive.

This is the best woman for a free union.

An independent girl may, with her own means, find herself a husband whom she can dominate.

49 Without worrying about his qualities, appearance, or abilities, she takes him as husband out of love of money, even if he has other wives.

Simply because he is rich.

50 A girl must never fail to take for a husband a young man who is full of qualities, skillful in business, whom she has been able to meet due to her intrigues and can keep in her power.

If he is rich, but already has other wives, there are nevertheless certain risks.

51 It is better to take control over a husband who is a devoted young man, even poor and uninteresting, but who has just enough to live on, rather than another full of qualities but inconstant.

It is better to be content with a boy who can only just manage to earn a living for his family, rather than catch a libertine, even if the latter is rich and charming.

52 The wives of the rich are often numerous and ill-controlled. They then look elsewhere for the satisfactions they cannot find at home.

The rich take many wives and are unable to control them.

53 It is not advisable to marry a man of lowly status, even if he is cultured, or an old man, or someone who travels abroad.

54 One should not marry anyone who only wants his own way, is violent, a trickster and gamester, or who has other wives and children.

55. If she has to choose among several suitors of equal merit, she should choose the one she likes the best.

“Marry the one you love,” as the saying goes.

After explaining in the previous chapter the employment of go-betweens in order to obtain the beloved, Vàtsyàyana describes the case of those who, without being in any condition to obtain assistance, wish to establish a permanent relationship.

How can a man, without assistance, seduce a girl from a good ‘ family, in order to make her his mistress and marry her by simple reciprocal commitment according to the gàndharva rite? How, without assistance, can a girl attract a boy of superior status and of serious mind, in order to make him her husband? The main subject of this chapter is the description of the ways of doing so. In this connection, the means to be employed are those that a man acting alone may utilize. This is why it is known as initiative of a man managing alone; (ekapuruûa abhiyoga).

Vàtsyàyana suggests various ways, which are of two kinds, external and internal. In describing external means, the author suggests that when the lover and his beloved are playing chess, during the game, the lover should start off some difference of opinion, giving rise to a violent argument. In this case, the way in which he seizes the girl’s hand is the same as when the betrothed takes his wife’s hand during the marriage rite. When he takes her hand in this way, the girl realizes that he wishes to marry her according to the gàndharva rite.

When the young man has been successful in all his external enterprises, he must make use of external and internal means. Wherever he meets the girl, he must begin to tease her, offer her things she has indicated she would like to have. When they have the opportunity of being alone together, or of sitting one next to the other in the darkness, he must pinch her buttocks and breasts as much as she can bear.

Alone, or in darkness, women lose their modesty. For this reason, such circumstances are very useful for amorous games and copulation. It is one of the principles of the Kàma Úàstra that, during the night or in a solitary place, erotic desire is easily awakened in women. No great effort is called for. When the boy and girl find themselves side by side in some place, he must give her physical signs of his intentions. Words serve no purpose, because the girl can always object to the words by shaking her head. If words appear to be necessary, they should always be very allusive. One should always express oneself very briefly, so as to arouse the woman’s curiosity and, if she asks for an explanation, this is the right moment to put the thing clearly before her.

Thus, having studied the woman’s feelings by both external and internal means, the boy can invite her to his house under some pretext. If she claims to have a headache, he explains that the touch of his hands is better than any remedy, thus winning her affection and trust. She gradually becomes fond of him, but he should leave her in doubt for a long time.

He goes with her to the theater or to receptions, at which they greatly amuse themselves. At no time, however, should he pronounce the word marriage, since Ghotakamukha, who knows the subject well, considers that, whatever their love for their lover, women are apt to break away in the event of sudden difficulties, repeated failure, or if they get bored, and then no effort can get them back.

Great means and great effort are needed to make a girl wholly favorable. It is only after repeated attempts that the boy can be certain that the one he loves is ready for whatever he may desire. Only when she is totally in his power should he venture to make sexual approaches.

In indicating favorable moments and places for amorous relations between the lover and his beloved, Vàtsyàyana explains that, if one tries to possess a girl in the evening, at night, or in the darkness, she cannot refuse, since she prefers a time and place when no one can see her. Moreover, at such times and on such occasions, passion (ràga) rises in the woman’s heart. Although her sexual desire increases, she will not take the initiative, but if the man does so, she will not stop him.

Vàtsyàyana opines that, when a young man (yuvaka), poor and with no family, wishes to marry a girl of his own or better class, but cannot obtain her, he should strive to catch her by the means indicated in the previous chapter. Likewise, when a girl has no family, or is the daughter of poor parents, and marriage with a desirable party is impossible, she herself must manage to catch the suitor she desires. For a girl, too, external and internal efforts are involved. When she meets the person whom she wishes to marry by mutual agreement (gàndharva) in an isolated place, or in the dark, she should greet him in such a way as to demonstrate her skill in one of the sixty-four arts of the Kàma Úàstra. She should discourse pleasantly with the boy she wishes to seduce. All her remarks should delight him. She should show that she agrees with him about everything, but in no case should she, by her bodily conduct or signs, commit the error of letting him know that she wants intercourse. However desirous she may be to make love, she must make no sttempt to do so, nor show any eagerness.

Vàtsyàyana considers that a woman who makes advances destroys any chance she has. The man would thus take her for an abandoned woman who sleeps with everybody. He would despise her and turn away from her. A woman should never show her willingness until her lover is ready for action. She should not resist too much, however. During the preliminaries, when her lover takes her in his arms, she should examine the boy’s feelings, while not showing excitement or agitation. She must take his state of mind into account and not anticipate his desires. She must submit to the boy’s enterprises, showing ignorance and foolishness. She must not resist, but when her lover seeks to take her lips, she must show a slight reticence, so that he musty embrace her by force. ;

A very young girl (taruóì) must always take care not to uncover I herself in front of her lover, until she is fully convinced that he will not 1 leave her at any price. ;

In no case should she, for love of money, marry a man who is rich but no longer young and has other wives, nor a stranger, or one who is ugly, violent, cunning, a gamester, or unstable. A girl should find a husband whose character matches her own.

End of the Fourth Chapter

How to Manage Alone

of the Third Part entitled Acquiring a Wife