Union by Marriage

Chapter Five

Union By Marriage

[vivàha yoga]

Those who wish to choose a spouse [svayamvara] to their liking marry according to the gàndharva rite, by mutual agreement.

There exist other forms of marriage, however, such as the àsura [by bride purchase]. The ways of contributing to their success are explained. The gàndharva form is the one most frequently encountered.

1 Because the young girl lives isolated from the world and sees no one, her nurse undertakes to assist her out of affection.

Without saying anything, the nurse undertakes to seek a boy in a neighborhood.

By rendering small services to someone, the nurse skillfully engages his sympathy.

2 She concerns herself with a boy of her choice and assesses his merits. To make the girl interested in him, she describes his qualities, with some exaggeration.

She then embarks on capturing the boy she has chosen.

Although she hardly knows the boy, the nurse seeks to make the girl interested in his qualities. To do so, she chatters ceaselessly on the subject, exaggerating his merits, so that the girl’s interest is aroused.

3 She points out the defects of any other suitors who might run counter to her goal.

4 She tells her that her father and mother take no account of the suitors’ merits and that it is only for love of money that they heedlessly wish to marry her off.

Her parents, knowing nothing of her suitors’ merits, reject the one who is meritorious, giving preference to one who is insignificant but rich.

5 In order to persuade her, the nurse gives her as an example other girls of her caste, or famous heroines such as Úakuntalà, who themselves chose their own husband.

She describes to her those who have chosen a husband for themselves against their parents’ will, and takes as an example the tale of Úakuntalà.

In seeing the nymph Menakà, sent by Indra, the King of Heaven, to hinder his austere practices, the sage Kauúika succumbs to desire. ;i But he subsequently abandons the daughter born of his seed in the forest, when Menakà returns to heaven. This daughter is fed by a variety of birds, called úakuntà, which is why she is called Úakuntalà in the tale. Taken, out of kindness, into the hermitage of the sage Kaóva, she grows up there. Seen by King Duûyanta, who has come to hunt wild animals, she marries him of her own will. The nurse also names the King’s daughters as an example.

6 In the greatest families, one sees women secluded and ill-treated as a result of the hostility and intrigues of the other wives.

She explains to her that, even in the best families, the father, out of greed, sometimes gives his daughter to a polygamous man whose other wives will detest her. There, abandoned by her own family, she suffers cruelly.

7 The nurse describes to her what she risks.

What might happen to her in the future.

8 She tells her of the happiness awaiting her with a man who has only one wife and praises the boy she recommends.

Thus she will not be made to suffer by other wives.

9 Once she feels the girl is interested, she strives to soothe her fears, shyness, and modesty.

Once her interest is aroused, the girl becomes uneasy: “Am I making a mistake? Is my virtue in danger?” Then, gradually, she frees herself from her qualms concerning her virtue, her fear of her seniors, and her modesty with regard to her family.

10 It remains for the nurse to lead her enterprise as go-between to a successful conclusion.

The messenger is known as a go-between only in a manner of speaking.

The nurse must then put into practice all the means indicated in the chapter on go-betweens.

11 Even if the hero takes you by force, without your consent, you will become his wife and the marriage is valid.

If he takes you by force, you are not to blame. Even in such a manner, the marriage is regular.

The nurse tells her, “If the hero abducts you as if you were not responsible, people will have nothing to reproach you for and your desire will be fulfilled.”

12 It is decided to act and, at the right moment, the hero, bearing the sacred fire taken from a priest’s house, scattering the sacred herb and pronouncing the prescribed words, will take you thrice around the hearth.

Being convinced, she waits, as agreed, in an isolated place.

Having been informed, the heroine waits for him outside her father’s house. She no longer has fears or doubts. He goes to look for consecrated fire in a priest’s house and, according to the rites, hero and heroine circle the hearth three times.

13 After which she informs her father and mother.

14 According to the religious authorities, the marriage, to which the sacred fire is witness, is irreversible.

15 She must then explain everything to her family, who accuse her.

Not only to put things in order, but in her own interest. However, she reveals to her family what has really happened only after she has lost her virginity.

The Master explains why she must inform her parents:

16 The family is dishonored by such a marriage. They fear sanctions after an abduction and thus prefer to give their consent.

When the hero has taken her to his house, if her parents do not agree to give her to him, the crime of abduction dishonors the whole family, and they fear punishment. If the king hears what has happened, the boy also risks punishment.

The girl’s parents, scared by the stain on the family’s honor, hasten to adopt the boy into their clan. This is the best solution.

17 Thus, the young woman has obtained her hero by skillful intrigues. By affectionate behavior, beautiful gifts and civilities, she has him accepted by her family.

18 A gàndharva marriage, by simple mutual agreement, would have been preferable.

Instead of this twisted way of going about it. Another kind of marriage will be described.

19 When the boy is unable to reach his goal on his own, he uses as go-between a woman of good family who has access to the girl’s home, having been intimately acquainted with and appreciated by her parents for a long time and friendly toward himself. She brings them money and, using some pretext, takes the girl to his house.

Not being able to obtain the girl’s hand by his own means, he employs a woman of good family, who is able to enter the girl’s house, has been acquainted with her parents for many years, and is kindly disposed toward him. She makes them accept some money and, using some pretext, brings him the girl he wishes to marry.

Knowing that the girl’s parents’ intend to marry her for a price, it is by taking advantage of their lust for gain that the girl is brought to him by devious ways.

20 Then, as above, bringing sacred fire from a priest’s house, he marries her.

21 When the marriage rite has taken place, he receives her officially from the hands of her mother, who gives her consent from fear of scandal.

If the girl’s parents have already concluded her betrothal to another and the date of the marriage is close, the go-between must then, by describing to the girl’s mother the defects of the chosen suitor, sow doubt in her mind and make her realize that her daughter will never accept this marriage. She describes the qualities of her suitor, comparing them with the defects of the man to whom they wanted to sell her. It is thus, by perfidious means, that she obtains the mother’s agreement for the daughter to marry her hero.

22 With his agreement, during the night, she leads the boy to a neighbor’s house and brings fire from a priest’s house to accomplish the rite.

This occurs at a neighbor’s house so that the money can be handed over discreetly.

When the go-between is assured that the girl’s mother has renounced the chosen fiance and has told her that the other boy is ready to marry the girl, then, at her intimation, she makes the boy come discreetly to a neighbor’s house and sends to a priest’s dwelling for the sacred fire. The girl is then married discreetly.

23 If the young man is attracted by a courtesan or a married woman, it is better to win the friendship of one of her brothers of his own age and, by services rendered and kindnesses, make him finally come to understand his aim.

Since such women are difficult to obtain, he must gain the friendship of her brother by means of small gifts or other advantages, to assure his aid in obtaining the woman desired.

24 Young men of the same age and character are often ready to give even their life for their friend, and help each other’s enterprises, if the opportunity arises. This is why he will help him reach his goal.

Thus, with the brother of his heroine as go-between, he lures the sister into an isolated spot and, taking the fire to witness, marries her.

Lying with a sleeping or drunken girl is called the marriage of the paiúaca, or succubus. Describing the same, he says:

25 In circumstances such as the eighth day festival dedicated to the moon, the nurse contrives to let the girl drink and, having made her drunk, under the pretext of having something to do, leads her to an isolated place where the boy is to be found. The latter, raping her while she is unconscious, thus accomplishes the marriage.

For the eighth day festival of the moon, at the end of the day, people stay awake all night to perform rites in honor of the moon, as they also do on other occasions. The nurse, being devoted to the boy, intoxicates the girl by making her drink wine or some drug. Then, on the pretext that she has something to do, such as, “I have lost a ring,” leads her unconscious to an isolated place where she lets her be raped by the boy. Afterwards, she reveals the fact to her family and her whole circle. This is one of the ways of performing a marriage.

26 When she is half-asleep, the nurse leads her to an isolated place where the marriage is consummated while she is unconscious. Then, having compromised her, the union is made official.

She is dishonored while sleeping. Here there is no question of the sacred fire, since it is an act contrary to ethics.

The rakûasa marriage, “of the demons,” carried out by brutal abduction, is now considered.

27 Having seen her in the village or in the garden, the boy abducts her with the aid of his companions, killing her guardians or making them run away, as do the demons. This is also one of the forms of marriage.

A stranger in the village, with the aid of his numerous companions, abducts the girl after killing or putting her guardians to flight, as Kåûóa did for Rukmini. Being unethical, there is no question of the sacred fire as in gàndharva marriage.

Of these kinds of marriage, which are the ones to be avoided and which are normal?

28 In order of importance, the best marriage is the one in accordance with ethics. Where the sacred fire is lacking, there is no hierarchy among the others.

First are those sanctioned by moral law, which are four in number. From this point of view, the Brahma marriage, by gift with dowry, is preferable to the gàndharva, by mutual agreement. For the others, nevertheless, there is an order. The gàndharva marriage is better than the asura, by purchase.

Although, according to certain opinions, both conform to law, one is nevertheless preferable to the other. The gàndharva rite is not on the same level as the asura. However, the asura rite, by purchase, is better than the paiúaca rite, by rape, and the latter, although unethical, is better than the rakûasa, by brutal abduction. The rakûasa rite is an act of violence, and cannot be compared with the others. It is quite another matter.

29 Love is the goal of the marriage union, and although the gàndharva marriage is not the most recommended, it remains the best.

Although but little appreciated, it is the one in which love triumphs. This is why, being a harmonious union, it is considered as the form of marriage of the heavenly musicians (gàndharva).

Without love, marriage has no purpose. Although considered with indifference, the gàndharva marriage is the most just, the one in which ; love and sexuality are harmoniously combined.

Its importance is explained:

30 Marriage can bring many joys and sorrows. Because it is based on love, the gàndharva marriage is the best.

Marriage may bring many sorrow, often due to lack of savoir faire, wrong choice, or a mistaken way of life.

Because it is desired, the gàndharva marriage causes least problems. It is a love marriage, without conflicts or disputes. This is why it is the best.

The four kinds of marriage have been described above. Of these, Brahma, by free gift, and àrsha, the archaic form, by cattle barter, are considered well omened, although in both these forms, the decisions of bride and groom have nothing to do with it.

If the boy or girl is not in favor of these sacred forms, however, Vàtsyàyana recommends that they should seek a love marriage and find the means to accomplish it. Under such circumstances, the Master advises the young man and girl to perform a gàndharva marriage.

A marriage based on love is a source of happiness, requiring little effort, and causes little suffering and few quarrels over behavior and ways of doing things.

A boy who is unable to inspire love in the girl of his choice therefore proposes to her parents to grant him an àsura marriage: by purchase. If he cannot obtain the girl for money, the boy must therefore abduct her in order to marry her. Such forms of marriage are attributed to succubus or nightmares (paiúaca) and to the demons (rakûasa).

Since in the Brahma (free gift) and daiva (gift to the officiating priest) forms of marriage, the girl’s consent is not considered, the author of the Kàma Sùtra considers it preferable to contract a gàndharva marriage, according to the girl’s will, while totally abhoring marriage by purchase, rape, or abduction. For the gàndharva marriage, the girl’s agreement is required before anything else, since without it, the gàndharva marriage is not possible.

In this chapter concerning the forms of marital union, the Master describes the ways of obtaining the girl’s consent, with the aid of a go-between. The first essential for such go-betweens is that they should be disinterested messengers. The characteristics of the disinterested messenger are described in the fourth chapter of the part dealing with servants. For the success of the messenger’s enterprise in uniting lover and beloved, it suffices that the boy should tell him simply, “I must win the favors of such a girl,” after which the messenger acts on his own initiative to bring the enterprise to a successful conclusion. The boy need not intrigue or worry. In the play Màlatì Màdhava by Bhavabhùti, the author, praising Kàmandakì, a religious acting as messenger, and declaring the confidence one can have in her success, writes that, “the success of the scheme depends on the skill of the messenger.”

For this job, the girl’s nurse’s daughter or other assistant of her household can be utilized. The boy cannot know what the messenger tells the girl about him. She must so arrange matters and the situation that, while keeping the boy’s desires in mind and singing his praises, the girl may not suspect that the go-between has any connection with the boy. Furthermore, if the messenger learns that the heroine is interested in some other young man, she will disparage him with such dexterity that the girl, although he had pleased her, will begin to despise him.

If her parents are strongly opposed to the boy whose praises the messenger is singing and of whom the girl is enamored, by intriguing, the adroit messenger places the parents in such embarrassment that they end by consenting to a gàndharva marriage. In Màlatì Màdhava, the nun Kàmandakì, in similar circumstances, forcefully condemns Màlatì’s father:

“How can you favor till now someone who has no merit and look with disfavor on the side of love? It is merely because he is the King’s companion in pleasure that you wish to give your daughter to Nandana, his friend.”

If the girl’s parents wish to marry her to another at any price, the messenger, quoting Úakuntalà or some other tale as an example, explains to them the importance of choosing a husband to their daughter’s taste. By telling them such tales, she manages to make the parents change their mind and accept the love marriage.

Thus, following the messengers’ instructions, the heroine, hiding herself, reaches the house of the one she loves. Vàtsyàyana recognizes the validity of such a marriage. Due to his acknowledgement, the sacred rules can be disregarded, requiring that the marriage, according to the rites prescribed in the texts, be celebrated in the suitor’s house. Once the marriage has taken place, taking the fire as witness, the public authorities and society are disarmed. Neither parents nor the law can declare the marriage invalid.

Gàndharva marriage has been widely practiced since most ancient times, and this kind of marriage is recognized everywhere as being popular and valid. The “svayamvara” of a princess, when she puts the nuptial necklace around the neck of one of her assembled suitors, is a form of gàndharva marriage. The husband was elected, after which, according to the rules for domestic rituals, or Gåhya Sùtra, the sacrament of marriage took place before the fire, taken as witness. The weddings of Nala and Damayantì, Aja and Indumatì, Ràma and Sìtà, and Udayana and Vàsavadattà, all took place in this fashion.

Vàtsyàyana’s opinion is that, after celebrating a marriage of this kind, the parents must be informed, not only to give them pleasure, but for practical reasons. The purpose of the gàndharva marriage is not to separate the girl from her family and friends. This is why Vàtsyàyana considers it the best. After describing the gàndharva marriage of the first category, the Master also considers the second category in which, while the girl becomes attracted to the boy as a result of the messenger’s efforts, her parents are still opposed. The emissary must obtain the mother’s consent by giving her money and, under some pretext, leading the girl out of the house, marry her to the boy in front of the fire.

In its third form, the lowest kind of gàndharva marriage, it is the girl’s brother whose cooperation is acquired by satisfying his whims. After this, the hero says to him, “I am in love with your sister and want to marry her.”

Then, with his complicity and under some pretext or other, his sister enters and the marriage is arranged.

In connection with the paiúaca marriage, the Manu Småti says, “He who, out of licentiousness, dishonors any girl, deserves immediate death. But the man who, out of licentiousness, dishonors a girl of his own caste is not put to death.”

Raping the girl after her abduction is the rakûasa marriage. This too is condemned by religion, since the rites and offerings in the fire do not occur.

Vàtsyàyana prefers the rakûasa marriage, by abduction, to the paiúaca rite, by rape, since in such a marriage, courage and audacity predominate. From his point of view, although the gàndharva marriage belongs to the medium category, it is more widespread because the final goal of the marriage is the love of the couple, and because love, from the very beginning, is the basis of the gàndharva marriage.

Vàtsyàyana has a sympathetic attitude toward the gàndharva marriage. However, from a religious point of view, the four forms—Brahma, pràjàpatya, daiva, and àrsha—conform more to religious law and are thus considered superior.

Here ends the Fifth Chapter

Union by Marriage

and the Third Part entitled Acquiring a Wife

of the Kàma Sùtra by Vàtsyàyana