Privileges of the Wife

Part Four

Duties and Privileges of the Wife

[Bhàryà adhikàrika]

Chapter One

Conduct Of The Only Wife

Once married to the man, how should the wife behave toward him? This is what is known as the duties and privileges of the wife. According to the situation, the man who possesses the girl either has no other wives, or else has a certain number of other wives dependent on him.

A wife may therefore be of two kinds: the only wife, or wife among others.

We shall first describe the conduct of the only wife.

1 The only wife is totally trusting, considering her husband as a god and completely devoted to him.

If there are other wives, there is a risk of unpleasant situations. It is said that, “The one that feeds them is the women’s god,” but this does not concern their physical condition.

A devoted wife (pativrata) puts all her trust in her husband, considering him in her heart as a god. She conforms at all points to his wishes.

2 She takes responsibility for the household, and so on.

With her husband’s consent, she takes care of the house. Eschewing the outside world, she involves herself entirely in the household and takes on the domestic tasks.

3 She attends to cleaning the clothes, tidying the rooms, flower arrangements, cleaning the floor, being attractive to look at, performing the three daily rites of offering to the gods and of worshiping them at their domestic shrine.

She makes the various tasks of cleaning and ordering the house a strict rule. She does the/lower arrangements, polishes the floors, while being always pleasant to the eye. She also performs the three daily, offerings [in the sacred fire] and worships the gods at the domestic shrine.

4 According to Gonardìya, there is no state happier than the state of marriage.

It all depends on the way of envisaging things.

5 The wife must behave suitably to her husband’s elderly parents, servants, his sisters, and their husbands.

She must accept her parents-in-law, her sisters-in-law, and their husbands as her own, and speak to them in a seemly manner.

6 On carefully prepared ground, she must sow aromatic plants [harita] and vegetables [shàka], plant sugarcane [ikûu] in clumps, mustard [sarshapa], cumin [jìraka], ajamodà [hingu, asafetida], cinnamon [tamàla], fennel [shatapuûpa], and small cardamoms [gulma].

Aromatic plants [harita], such as coriander [dhanyàka], ginger [àrdraka], and vegetables [shàka], spinach [palankiya] and others, must be planted in well ordered rows.

Sugarcane [ikûu] is planted in clumps.

7 She must plant on a single plot rows of: àmalaka [myrobalan, Emblica officinalis, gulàbàsa], mallika [jasmine, Jasminum sambac], jàtì [Jasminum grandiflorum], kurantaka [yellow amaranth, Barleria prionitis nevari], navamàlikà [red jasmine, chameli, Plumeria rubra], tagara [valerian], nandyavarta [kadamba, Anthocephalus cadamba], japàgulma [China rose] and other ornamental plants. In the grove of trees, she should also plant: bàlakoshìraka [khasha, Saccharum spontaneum] and pàtalika [Stereospermum suavolens] with abundant blossoms.

8 In the middle of the garden, a well, a reservoir, and a tank must be dug.

9 She must keep beggars out of the way, also wandering Buddhist or Jaina monks, women of bad reputation, mountebanks, and magicians.

She must have no contact, under pretext of charity, with beggars, Buddhist or Jaina nuns, old men, red-robed religious, bad-living women, mountebanks, fortunetellers, magicians, and so on.

10 With regard to food, she must reflect, “This he likes, that he doesn’t, he drinks this and not that.”

11 Hearing his voice outside, when he returns home, she  comes to the threshold, well dressed, saying, “What must I do?”

Elegantly dressed, at the entrance to the house courtyard, she says “What are your orders? What must I do?”

12 Sending the servants away, she bows at her husband’s feet.

13 Even when alone with her master, she never shows herself without her jewels.

14 In the case of his making excessive or useless expenditure, she scolds him when they are alone.

She remains shy in front of other people.

15 She must ask her husband’s permission to attend marriage ceremonies with her girlfriends, or to go to receptions or to the temples. Otherwise she will be suspected of improper behavior.

16 It is only with his approval that she takes part in games.

To take part in the games on the Night of Yakûa, she must have her husband’s consent.

17 She must go to sleep after him and awaken before him.

18 The kitchen must be apart, far from inquisitive eyes.

The kitchen must be clean, well kept and ordered, and located where no strangers glance can penetrate.

19 If her husband behaves badly, she must show her displeasure, without exaggerating her reproaches.

Reprove him without insistence, saying, “Do not do that again. Let it not happen any more.”

20 When she has any reproach to make him, she does it without dramatizing, when he is alone or perhaps in front of his friends, if the opportunity arises. She must never have recourse to magic practices.

She must not attempt to control him by magic practices.

21 Gonardìya says that this is the main cause of loss of trust between a married couple.

Magic practices are forbidden, because they destroy trust and the feeling of security.

22 She must avoid disagreeable words, turning her glance, aside, speaking with a pout, sitting on the threshold of the house, watching the door when given instructions, or staying alone for a long time in one room of the house.

Going into the garden of the house, listening to someone’s advice, or staying alone a long time, are bad habits.

23 She must be careful of bad smells from sweat, or residue between her teeth, since they quench amorous desire.

24 For amorous encounters, she must dress luxuriously with many jewels, many flowers, and ointments.

Wearing brightly colored garments according to the occasion, choosing the colors he prefers. To give her husband pleasure, when he is disposed to make love, she puts on her numerous jewels to appear more beautiful, when the time comes, in the “chamber of colors,” the chamber of love [raktàvàsa],

25 On going out to amusements, she must wear elegant but unpretentious garments, only a few jewels, discreet scent and makeup, white flowers in her hair.

Pretty but simple clothes, simple earrings, no colors that are too flashy.

26 If her husband practices periodic abstinence or fasting, she does the same. She tells him, “We are bound to one another. I am not independent.”

She does as he does, in order to demonstrate her devotion. She is bound to her master for fasting. If he forbids her to, she replies, “I am not independent.” Thus, she shows him her affection.

27 She takes advantage of opportunities for buying earthenware, bamboo, wooden, leather, iron, and copper utensils cheaply.

28 She also purchases salt, oil, and spices, which she keeps in containers for normal use, but she hides the pots containing rare products.

Seasalt, clarified butter [ghee], oil and other liquids, spices such as valerian [tagara] and the fifty-two medical roots, placed in wooden bowls and kept in a hidden place where they do not spoil.

As well as achcharìlà, dàruhaladì [Berberis asiatica], and other aromatic substances in current use; gourd and pumpkin seeds. Ingredients that cost twice, three, or ten times ordinary prices, and those that “re difficult to find, are placed in bottles in a hidden spot.

29 In order to sow them in season, she gathers the seeds of: radish [mùlaka], sweet potatoes [àlu], beetroot [pàlanki], absinthe [damanaka], ràtaka [myrobalan, Emblica officinalis mongiferas], cucumber [enva], aubergines [kapusavarta], marrows [kushmànda], gourds [alàbu or tumbì], sùrana or kunda [Amorphophallus campanulatus], bignonia [shukanàsa, sarvato bhadra], svayamgupta or kapikachu [Mucunia pruriens], yellow grapes [tiliparnika or kashmari, Gyrandropsis pentaphyllca], and sundry plants such as agnimanthala [Premna spinata], garlic [lashuna], onions [palàndu], and other plants in current use, as well as medicinal herbs, in order to sow them in due season.

30 She must never speak to anyone about what she possesses, or of what she knows about her husband.

Never speak of money put aside. “Money piled up must remain secret.” Likewise any secrets that her husband may have confided in her.

31 In comparison with women of the same age, she should excel them by her accomplishments in the kitchen and her behavior.

As compared to other women of her age and condition, the wife should excel them all by her dexterity, her devotion to her husband, her skill in cooking various dishes, her pride, and other behavior.

32 She must regulate her spending by calculating her annual income.

33 A good wife should always take care to make butter with leftover milk; prepare molasses with sugarcane and oil with colza, etc., spin cotton and make cloth with the thread; stow away pieces of string, cord, thread, or bark; check stores of wheat and rice; supervise the servants; set aside the rice water, wheat bran, and burnt charcoal for reuse; take care of the domestic animals, the sheep, chickens, quails, parrots, mynahs, nightingales, peacocks; and each day make accounts of entries and expenses. These are the things with which a good wife should busy herself.

34 Dirty or worn garments must be collected for washing or redyeing. Those that are no longer of any use may be given to deserving servants; the others can be used for rags.

They are given to good servants in appreciation of their work. With the rest, wicks can be made for lamps, or other uses can be found.

35 She lays in stocks of wine in jars and jars of liquors, ready in case of need, and keeps track of the rise and fall of prices.

She lays up stores to have on hand in case of need. She makes sure that prices are low, since in trade prices rise and fall.

Wine and liquors in jars must be kept in reserve for use, or eventually for selling in order to buy others. In such transactions, care must be taken about profits and losses.

36 According to custom, the husband’s friends must be welcomed with flower garlands, sandalwood, and betel.

As is the custom in decent houses.

37 In her relations with her father-in-law and mother-in-law, she must be submissive and not contradict them, speak gently in front of them and not laugh too loudly, show that she agrees with what pleases them and, as far as what displeases them, act so as not to contradict them.

38 She must not get excited at amusements and games.

At games, whatever her excitement, she must behave with moderation and not lose her temper.

At amusements, she must not seek to assert herself.

39 She must be adroit with family members.

Show skill in dealing with kinsmen and avoid quarrels.

40 Never give anything without her husband’s knowledge.

Even if to her child, or to get rid of something.

41 Make sure that the servants do their work properly, but also see to their comfort.

The work required of the servants must be done regularly. Their food and drink must he adequate.

See that the servants are conscientious in their work. Respect their days off and their holidays.

Such is the conduct of a woman married to a monogamous man. What must she do, however, if her husband lives abroad, leaving her alone while he amuses himself on the trip?

42 When her husband departs on a journey abroad, she removes the married woman’s marks and her jewels, dedicates herself to devotion, and looks after the house according to the rules established by her husband.

She attends to worshiping the gods, praying, fasting, and mi behave as her husband has taught her.

43 She must sleep beside her parents-in-law and obey their instructions. She must carefully look after whatever belongs to her husband.

44 She must appropriately perform all her daily tasks and carry through whatever he has undertaken.

Her daily occupations include the children’s parties, and checking the expenses foreseen by her husband.

45 She does not go to visit her own family, except in case of sickness or for religious festivals, and always accompanied by someone of her husband’s family as witness to the purity of her trip. She must not absent herself for long. She must never go out without being accompanied.

She must not visit her parents without a reason, except for bereavement or religious ceremony. Par the sake of her reputation, she must be accompanied by someone from her husband’s family, and must not stay long for fear of the anger of her parents-in-law. If she is invited to a party, she says, “I cannot accept unless I am accompanied.”

In merrymaking or at weddings, she behaves like a woman abandoned by her husband: she does not take part in the amusements.

46 She practices fasting according to her parents-in-law’s instructions. She must supervise the servants so that they are clean and obedient. She must content herself with the minimum in buying and selling, and must seek to reduce expenditure.

Since trade is a sin, agricultural products must not be accumulated but, to avoid excessive expenditure, the essentials of agriculture must be obtained.

For purchasing, she should use responsible and trustworthy servants who know how to bargain, so as to limit expenditure as far as possible.

47 When her husband returns, he must first see what state she is in. Together, they make an offering to the gods, after which she greets him.

When the hero returns from his journey, she stays as she is, in her garments of absence, so that he can see how she has been behaving. She must not make herself beautiful in order to welcome him. Together they worship the gods, after which she welcomes him.

To conclude the second subject dealt with, he quotes:

48 Two verses in this connection;

“She who wishes the hero’s well-being leads an irreproachable life as suits a single wife, whether she comes from a good family or is an ex-courtesan. Women protected by good conduct obtain respectability, riches and love, a social status as well as a protector [bhartàra] without other wives.”

An honest woman must avoid all deceit to make herself well considered. Such a woman realizes the three aims of life. By “woman coming from a good family” is meant “untouched by other men.”

According to Vàtsyàyana, the main aim of this chapter is to define the behavior and attitude toward her husband of a young woman who has married according to her wish. Vàtsyàyana distinguishes two kinds of wife: the only wife, and the one who has to put up with other wives. This chapter describes the attitudes and behavior of the only wife. Her first duty is to inspire total trust in her husband. She must adjust her conduct and ways of behaving to her husband’s ideas and, as far as possible, make it so that their two bodies have a single soul. To attain such a goal, their attitudes must be disinterested and identical. This is why the texts suggest that the woman should consider her husband a god and worship him. The husband, too, should consider his wife as the goddess of fortune in his house and respect her. The codes of ethics, the Dharma Úàstra, tell us that prosperity and bliss dwell in the house where the wife is respected. In order to enjoy her husband’s constant esteem, the wife should conform to his ethical convictions and follow him in everything. It is by renouncing herself, by giving herself entirely to her husband, that such a high aim can be reached. Whether a child, a girl, or an adult, the wife should always be submissive to her husband.

The wife, who is called the goddess of the house, must set up an inner garden, planted in pretty rows with spices and vegetables, such as coriander (dhaniyà), chili (adarakhamìrcha), henna (medhi), as well as trees and, for their beauty, scented flowering shrubs.

According to the Koka Úàstra, highly scented plants must be set in the garden, as well as trees with delicious fruit and flowering bushes.

Paths must be traced between the flowerbeds, passages, and square spaces and, in the middle, a well, reservoirs, and a pond must be dug.

The Koka Úàstra says that “the wife must avoid contact, even in the case of a distant kinswoman, with women who lead a bad life, with ascetics, beggars, dancers, and fortunetellers, and women with disheveled hair.”

To give her husband confidence, if he has any doubts, and to satisfy him fully, a well-born woman must always be attentive to what he says. She must observe the signs that allow her to guess what he wants. She must support him in all his worries and difficulties.

“When she hears him approach, she comes to greet him on the threshold and makes him enter the house” (Koka Úàstra).

“He likes this kind of thing. He does not appreciate this drink. Every day he must be given the desire to eat” (Koka Úàstra).

When her husband returns and the meal is ready, she does not send the servants, but seeks him herself to wash his feet. On all occasions, the wife must take care not to appear before her husband with dirty or crumpled clothing, with her hair in disorder or badly combed. Whenever she appears before her husband, she must wear fresh clothes and approach him smiling. Thus, her husband’s affection can only grow. If she is annoyed with him, she does not let it appear, and if her husband is annoyed, she does not allow bad feelings to take root in her heart. If her husband overspends, or buys useless things, she tries to reason lovingly with him, when they are alone. In front of other people, she never speaks of money matters, remaining discreet and avoiding arguments. She skillfully attempts to make her husband shed any extravagant habits. In the house, she keeps every little thing in order and makes sure that everything is clean and well ordered.

“Always with good humor, she must perform her household tasks, be refined in seasoning, have a firm hand in spending, if she sees that he is a spendthrift” (Koka Úàstra).

When the marriage is celebrated according to religious rules, it includes a rite called Saptapadi, in which husband and wife make a reciprocal vow. According to the Kàma Sùtra, this vow implies that the wife, wherever she may go, to weddings, ceremonies, or festivals, must do so with her husband’s permission, even if it is only a matter of going to visit her mother. If the wife is guilty of going without permission, her husband will consider that she acts according to whim and will begin to have doubts. When doubts appear, married life loses its flavor and ends by breaking up. This is why the wife should strive to adjust her ways to her husband’s wishes. The scholar Koka goes so far as suggesting that even with her husband’s permission, the wife should be accompanied by a trustworthy person and should never go out alone.

“Even with permission, she should go out chaperoned” (Koka Úàstra).

When they go to bed, with loving words she massages her husband’s legs to make him go to sleep, affectionately, like a mother putting her baby to sleep. She must go to sleep after him and awaken before him. The kitchen is the place that reveals a wife’s qualities and character. This is why a wife should always be very careful about the cleanliness of the kitchen. The kitchen must be built so that those who are eating cannot see inside. The kitchen must glitter with cleanliness.

Vàtsyàyana says that, wherever the goddess of the house goes, whatever work she performs, she must not show herself in a sweat. If she speaks, it is with a soft voice, her looks are full of affection, innocent looks. She does not gossip in the doorway, she does not ask advice of anyone in secret. She answers questions politely and modestly.

She does not seek to hide herself to talk to a man.

Even without being seen, she must not stay on the threshold, or gossip or argue. “She does not go to other people’s houses, nor does she call them to her door. Never must she see a man to ask his advice” (Koka Úàstra). If someone’s attitude annoys her, she takes refuge in her husband’s affection and respect.

For a decent woman, cleanliness of body and mind are the most i important things. At every moment, she must strive to keep her body clean and beautiful. She does not allow her sweat to spread a bad smell nor her mouth to taste unpleasant. If she does not pay attention to these body odors, her mind too will be soiled and her attraction for he husband will decrease, her health will be affected, and her beauty de dine. To take care of her health and beauty is a wife’s first duty. It is a very important form of discipline (sàdhanà) and of yoga. A woman who is always careful of her beauty chooses her clothes and ornaments’’ with care, according to place, occasion, and season. By wearing them according to circumstances, she becomes attractive and beautiful to see. In which season should one wear a sari of such and such a color? What flowers should she put in her hair? What scent should she use? These are the questions to which an intelligent woman pays attention. Thus, in conquering her husband, she truly becomes the goddess of the house.

Vàtsyàyana does not pretend that her domestic tasks and control of expenditure should be neglected to attend to her beauty care. But, according to the principles of the Artha Úàstra, he gives practical advice.

End of the First Chapter

Conduct of the Only Wife

of the Fourth Part entitled Duties and Privileges of the Wife