Chapter
Two
Conduct Of
The Chief Wife And Other Wives
If the young married woman finds herself among other
wives, how must she behave toward them and, in particular, toward the chief
wife?
1 Because his wife is stupid, not
serious-minded, or unable to have children due to barrenness, or simply because
he wants a change, the hero wishes to remarry. The fact that she only produces
daughters may also incite him to take another wife.
2 Despite the first wife’s devotion and
conduct, he wishes to leave her and seeks a pretext, or else she herself,
unable to have children, advises him to take another wife.
Under pretext that she is stupid, frivolous,
or barren, he wishes to leave her. A man who likes change seizes one of these
pretexts. Otherwise, it is the duty of the wife who cannot have children to
suggest a new wife, another marriage. But also, if she only has daughters, he
takes another wife in order to have sons.
3 The new wife, if she is capable of doing so,
strives to impose her prerogatives.
She seeks every means to dominate the first
wife. This is because she is at war with her. A rivalry is established between
them. What must the first wife do?
4 She shows comprehension toward the hero and
treats the new wife like a younger sister. She helps her prepare for the night
and does not take offense at the vanity which the happiness of being fertile
causes in the other.
Understanding the hero’s reasons for
interesting himself with the other, even if she has no desire to do so, she
dresses the new wife so as to make her more attractive. She must take no
account of the lattery behavior or her presumptuousness, due to the vanity of
having been chosen, for fear of causing hostility.
Vàtsyàyana explains how to avoid rivalry between wives.
The first wife must behave with the new one as if she were her younger sister
and not a rival. She must prepare her and make her beautiful for the night’s
love games. This will develop complicity between them. If the new wife says
disagreeable things to her, the elder must not take offense.
5 If the younger one neglects her duties
toward her husband, she takes responsibility for it and covers up for her. The
younger will then respect her and treat her favorably.
If she sees the other make some mistake with
her husband, she strives to cover her so as to win her trust.
If the new wife makes some blunder .with her husband, the
older wife will hide it from him. If, however, it is a matter of something that
may in the future affect her health, she explains to her that she must not do
it again.
6 She teaches her the various erotic
techniques on the quiet, in a place where the husband can hear them.
Where no one else is apt to hear them and out
of the hero’s sight, while arranging that the husband can hear them.
7 She is very affectionate with the other’s
children, amiable with the members of her family, pleasant with her friends.
She is full of attention for the other’s kin, without showing any preference
for her own.
When the new wife has children, the elder
treats them with affection. She behaves amiably toward the other’s sisters,
even if their husbands are disagreeable. She shows affability toward the
other’s friends, in order to win her affection. She shows no preference for her
own acquaintance, nor speaks badly of the other’s.
She shows a lively affection for the new wife’s children,
and is benevolent toward her servants. She treats the other’s brothers- and
sisters-in-law with greater respect than she does her own.
8 The first wife must welcome the new wife
warmly.
And be tolerant with her.
9 If the husband shows greater affection
toward one of the wives, it causes fights with the others.
10 The chief wife must show comprehension.
She sympathizes with the others, but tries to
stir up quarrels. She seeks to inspire trust, the better to propagate conflict.
11 If the favorite wife seeks to dominate the
elder one, the latter makes no opposition, but gives her a bad reputation.
Among the wives, one sometimes tries to
dominate the other, without respecting the rules of cohabitation, and takes
advantage of being closer to the husband to denigrate her in front of him when
the other is absent, or for quite another reason.
If the husband tries to give importance or superior status
to one of the wives, the chief wife, without herself joining in the fray, calls
the other wives together to fight her.
12 The ones who importune the husband to take
sides only stir up conflict.
The quarrelers who come and expose their
wrongs to the husband so that he should take sides, exaggerating problems, only
magnify the conflict.
After which, it is he who must arrange a peace treaty.
13 But the hostilities only grow more. When
the husband intervenes.
14 And if the conflict dies down, the chief wife
does her best to revive it.
Having decided to set at variance, she seizes
every opportunity to revive the conflicts instead of quelling them.
15 If the husband decides that he wants peace
immediately, he himself must organize the reconciliation.
Taking the chief wife aside and speaking to
her without the others, he flatters her by assuring her that he appreciates no
one as much as her.
When she realizes that her husband still loves her, the
first wife herself tries to make peace.
Now the subject is the attitude of the younger wife.
16 The younger wife must consider the elder as
a mother.
17 Without the other’s knowledge, she does not
utilize the gifts she receives from her family or acquaintance.
Even clothing.
18 In everything she has to do, she stays
under her control.
She considers her own initiative forbidden,
being dependent on the other.
19 She informs her when she is the one to
sleep with the husband.
She informs the chief wife, who has lived
virtuously with him, when she herself sleeps with their husband.
20 She does not repeat to anyone what she has
told her.
She does not repeat the elder’s words to
anyone, whether true or false, to avoid quarrels.
21 She looks after the other wives’ children
better than she does her own.
This involves all the children of the older
wives.
22 But secretly, she takes the greatest care
of the husband.
When they are alone in bed, she seeks to
satisfy him better than the others.
23 If the other wives make trouble for her,
she does not complain to her husband.
14 When they are alone, she tries to obtain signs of affection
from the husband.
When the other wives are absent, she seeks
signs of love from her husband.
25 She says to him, “You are my whole life.”
Wishing to obtain special favors from him, she
tells him, “Your affection is my reason for living.”
26 But she does not boast of the favors or
signs of affection she obtains.
From fear of arousing the fury of the other
wives.
27 She who reveals secrets ends by being
snubbed by her husband and causes him to humiliate her.
28 According to Gonardìya, out of fear of the
chief wife, the younger wife must see that her husband’s signs of affection
take place in secret.
29 She must have compassion for the first
wife, who has remained barren. The husband must also pity her.
She must be understanding in word and deed to
demonstrate her good feelings.
30 By thus flattering the elder a little, she
behaves like a loyal wife.
Such are the younger wife’s relations with the
eldest of the wives who, being barren, has no children.
Relations among all the wives are now envisaged, whether
older or younger.
After the description of the virgin bride comes that of
the remarried women. Remarried women are of two kinds, those who are no longer
virgin, and those who still are. The latter are entitled to the sacrament of marriage
and are therefore counted as young girls. It is said, “One must make sure in a
seemly way that she is a virgin.” If she is secondhand, there is no sacrament,
and she is simply accepted. In the world, she is known as “soiled”
(aparuddhiketi). Such a woman is not recognized as a legitimate wife by the
sacred books.
According to Vasiûþha, “If she has been given only in
intent or in word and she is still a vigin, even if the water rite has been
performed, she is marriable. She who has passed in front of the fire, or has
children, is considered a widow.”
The cases of those who are no longer virgin and those who
have children are considered.
31 Of a woman who is a widow, or has suffered
due to her husband’s impotence, but is desirable and full of qualities, who
remarries, it is said that she has a new existence.
Because her husband is dead, or because he was
impotent, she hi suffered, in not being able to have sexual relations, but she
is still desirable and, according to Gonardrya’s opinion, she can remarry with
a man of a good family and lead a new existence.
When a widow who is unable to control her sexuality meets
a sensualist (bhogi) and takes as a husband an individual endowed with strong
sexuality, she is born to a new life (punar-bhava) and is called punarbhu,
reborn or remarried.
32 According to the Bàbhravyas, a woman must
leave an unsatisfactory husband and choose another to her taste.
Quitting her husband’s dwelling, she leaves,
not being satisfied with him.
33 For her own satisfaction, she becomes
intimate with another man. Many women procure themselves another man for
amorous relations.
34 It is by experiencing their erotic
qualities that a woman makes her choice, Gonardlya explains.
Comparing the amorous qualities of their
erotic experiences, a woman makes her choice
according to whether the man is a good or bad lover, but if she changes several
times, she becomes similar to a prostitute.
According to Gonardiya, after leaving the second for the
third who is more expert in love, a widow finds her current lover without
interest, goes on to a fourth and then, finding a better one, gives herself to
him. Thus, incessantly leaving lovers of little talent for better ones, a widow
enters into the prostitutes’ category.
35 She follows her own fancy, says Vàtsyàyana.
If the one whose qualities the sensual woman
found to her taste no longer satisfies her, she passes on to another. She can
thus be seen passing from one to the other, seeking pleasure.
36 She strives to obtain the means of meeting
her expenses from her family, from what she receives from her lover for her
domestic tasks, and from the gifts of friends who value her.
A widow of good social standing seeks to
obtain from her family, or from the jobs she does for her lover, and from what she
is offered by people who value her, whatever she needs to receive those who
come to her parties [madya goshthi—drink meetings], as well as the fruits and
flowers she needs for her garden. She also receives clothes offered by her
friends or family.
It is with such means that she arranges to live and
provide for her needs.
And also for her beauty care, gifts, tips, and drinks for
the parties at which she meets her friends.
37 Otherwise, she makes do with her savings,
or the jewels she has been offered.
Widows of the middle or lower classes must
defray their expenses with what they have been able to save. They wear old
clothes or else, in case of need, what their lover has been kind enough to give
them.
38 There are no rules about what her lover
gives her.
39 When she leaves her keeper’s house, she
leaves behind whatever her lover had given her out of affection, in order to
live on what her new lover gives her. If she is thrown out, she receives
nothing.
She leaves of her own will, tired of her
lover, abandoning the gifts she has received. She must therefore live on what
her new partner gives her.
40 She goes to him whose household she can dominate.
Desiring to dominate, and to be important, she
installs herself as mistress in her lover’s house, for an indefinite period of
time.
41 She behaves affectionately with her lover’s
other wives, who are virtuous and respectable.
42 She is amiable with the staff and merry
with her lover’s friends. If she is skilled in the arts, she teaches them to
the other wives.
She is always amiable with the people of her
lover’s family. She laughs and amuses herself with them. Skillful in the arts,
she instructs the other wives.
43 She herself reports to the husband any
misconduct of those living in the house.
She reports to him any irregular conduct on
the part of his other wives, such as being absent for two nights, going out
elegantly dressed for a love meeting, or having relations with lesbians.
44 The widow’s role consists of secretly
demonstrating the sixty-four arts of pleasure, of assisting the other wives in
them herself, of making gifts to their children, of behaving maternally with
them, decking them out and dressing them with care. She shows great patience
with servants and friends and willingly takes part in parties, drinking bouts,
walks, and amusements.
She continues to sleep with the hero and
practices the postures, embraces, and other practices that stimulate men.
She assists the other wives, the women of the family, with
their dress, jewels, and makeup. She treats them with respect since they are of
good family. She treats the servants like friends, with patience and gifts.
She merrily takes part in parties, drinks willingly, and
also likes going for walks.
In a hidden place, she demonstrates the sixty-four arts,
according to the hero’s desire. She is well-disposed toward the other wives,
without being prompted to do so. She places herself humbly at their service,
with great respect and affection.
45 If one of the other wives suffers from barrenness, the widow
shows more attention to her than to those that have children, and protects her.
If she so desires, she teaches her the arts.
Certain women are unhappy because they are
barren. Conduct with them must be the same as with those that have children.
According to the husband’s instructions, the widow behaves with them as she
does with the other wives. Taking them under her protection, she teaches them
to be skillful in arts such as paper cutouts. In showing their skill, they lose
the feeling of being unfortunate.
Among married women, some are persecuted by the other
wives because they are barren. The widow must aid these unfortunates, Without
taking the side of the other wives, in such a way that the husband will grant
them his favors. She teaches them the arts that are worth showing, because in
showing their ability, their melancholy vanishes.
46 The husband employs his childless wives as dry nurses.
They take care of and feed the children of the
others.
47 They show their attachment by the welcome they give to the
master’s friends.
48 A barren woman must attend to religious rites and also sleep
with the husband.
For religious duties such as the ceremonies in
memory of the dead, she must take the initiative and see that the heroes fast
days are observed.
49 She must be amiable with the family, without attempting to give
herself importance.
With the other wives, as also with the members
of the family. Because she is barren, her position is that of an excluded
person. In other respects,
50 In sleeping with him, by her skill she
stirs up again the attraction he feels for her.
Knowing his temperament, in her relations with
him, even if he is not inspired, she proves to him the attraction he feels for
her.
51 She makes no reproaches to him, nor does
she reveal her wiles.
She does not reproach him for not loving her,
nor does she pride herself on her skill in manipulating the man’s penis.
52 When there is strife, he turns away from
her.
If she is in conflict with the other wives, he
is annoyed with her, and if she approaches him for love, under some pretext he
turns her away.
On the other hand, the hero seeks to draw to himself the
wife who quarrels with the widow.
53 The widow seeks to let him meet, in hiding,
the girls he secretly desires.
Performing the job of messenger, she arranges
meetings and keeps matters secret.
54 She must contrive that the hero considers her devoted and
without treachery.
She must accommodate herself to the situation.
Frigidity is often the cause of barrenness.
The more numerous the wives, the more the hero considers
them as a weekly fatigue. Often, he refuses to couple with the one whose turn
it is, and sends her away.
The hero is of two kinds: royal or boorish.
In describing the first, it is a matter of the harem. The
atmosphere of a gynoecium is such as described, and can be compared to a
prison.
With regard to royal customs and the affairs of the harem.
55 The environment and organization of the
harem are described.
The description deals with the inner chambers of
the harem, the women who live there, and matters concerning them. The case of
the sole wife and of the first wife with the others must be considered
separately.
The conduct of the eldest and youngest wife have been
described. The behavior of queens in the harem is the same.
56 The queens must have servants or eunuchs to
bring the king flower garlands, ointments, and clothes as gifts.
The messenger shall say, “This is from this or
that queen,”
57 On accepting them, the king gives his own
necklace in exchange.
To express
his affection.
58 Elegantly dressed, in the afternoon he
conies to see each of the inhabitants of the harem, who are covered with
jewels.
Elegantly dressed, the king, carrying the
objects received, pays them a visit, with an amiable word for each.
59 He makes them sit for a moment, according
to their rank, and chats jestingly with them.
He makes them sit down, taking into account
their family rankjt since this is a requirement of etiquette. He converses
laughingly wit all the women who are his wives.
60 After which, he goes to see the widow.
After having paid his wives a visit, he goes
to see the widow alone, because she can have no rank.
61 He then goes to see the courtesans and
dancers who live in the harem.
62 Widows have a place apart in the harem.
Among the queens, but in the outer harem,
where the dance also live. First comes the residence of the queens, his
legitimate wives Then, in the outer part of the harem, the kept women, after
which, outside, the courtesans, and further outside, the residence for
actresses and dancers.
63 The assistants of the King’s pleasures
choose those who are ready for love, sending away with the servants those of
whom it is not the turn and those who are menstruating. In the afternoon, after
the king has arisen, they prepare the love chamber and send him those of the
queens whose turn it is, who have sent him ointments marked with their name.
Discarding those who are not in condition for
sexual relations, the assistant chooses from among the wives in turn for the
love chamber the one who is just at the right moment of her cycle, whose gift
of perfumes he has accepted, and who wears his ring on her finger.
The assistant who organizes the King’s pleasures in the
harem smears the one who has received his ring with saffron and, after the king
has breakfasted and had his siesta, arranges the encounter in the love chamber.
64 The king invites the one he has chosen to the love-chamber.
To whom he has given his ring.
The queen whose gifts the king had accepted and who has
received his ring is advised through a maidservant of the harem that the king
awaits her in the bedchamber.
65 For festivals, concerts, and theater
spectacles they are all invited, according to rank.
The noble ones like the others take part in
drinking bouts. At harem festivals, the king honors
all the queens and offers them wine to drink. Furthermore, they are all invited
to receptions and concerts.
66 Harem residents must not go out. People
from outside may not enter, except the women who come to work there, on
condition that they are not loose-living or sick.
Those who are well behaved; the others are not
employed, nor are the sick. Only those who are apt for work, with goodwill and
pleasant relations.
67 In this connection, a quotation:
“The man who has several wives must treat them
equally.
He may not neglect some and put up with the shortcomings
of others.”
He must not show that he is enamored of one of them in
particular, nor overlook the ill-conduct of those who behave badly by putting
up with their defects. He must keep the peace between them.
68 If he is particularly excited by sexual
games with one of them and is especially attached to her, he must not say so to
the others.
So that
the others are not offended by it.
69 He must not let strife due to cohabitation
develop among his wives, and must know how to reprimand those who deserve it.
He must not allow rivalries to establish
themselves, due to the women’s
coexistence, and must reprimand the ones that deserve it, and not the others.
When there is strife among the wives, he must not stir
them up, and must scold and accuse the one who starts the quarrels.
70 In secret he shows trust in one, while
publicly praising another. He shows great respect for yet another. Thus he
pleases all his women.
He secretly gives confidence to those who are
shy. He publicly showers praise on those who are anxious to mark their rank
among the wives and flatters those who are vain.
In such a way must he strive to please all his wives.
71 He gives pleasure to one by strolling in
the garden, to another by making love, to a third by gifts, by praising those
who are cultured, by giving secret appointments. Thus he keeps them all
satisfied.
As a conclusion to this chapter,
72 A young woman who has conquered her
husband’s initial shyness and behaves according to the established rule takes
him into her power and dominates the other wives.
Whether she is sole wife or under the thumb of
an older one, with whom she has to bear the arduous aspects of cohabitation,
The wife who, knowing how to check her anger, behaves
according to the rules of the Kàma Úàstra, holds her husband in her
power and dominates the other wives.
This chapter is the continuation of the previous one,
describing the behavior of the sole wife. This one deals with her conduct in
the presence of other wives.
First she wishes to know the reason for the other wives.
Vàtsyàyana explains that the causes are her stupidity, her lack of seriousness,
her barrenness, or the fact that she only gives birth to daughters, provoking
her husband’s desire to have other wives.
Vàtsyàyana gives these reasons for polygamy among ordinary
men, since the powerful, the rich townspeople, kings, and so on, do it to show
off. From a social point of view, Vàtsyàyana generally conceives of two wives
for the ordinary citizen and explains the duties of the chief and younger wife.
When a man is unwise enough to take more than two wives into his house, what is
their relative position, and the conduct of a wife toward her seniors and
juniors?
In the case of two wives, what must be the conduct of the
elder? According to Vàtsyàyana, she must behave as if the younger were her
little sister. She must always be attentive to her happiness, to the point of
organizing her love meetings for her, teaching her erotic skills, showing great
affection for her children, and being more amiable with the members of her
family than with her own brothers and other kin. If there are several co-wives,
the senior one must behave in this way with the younger ones. If they are too
numerous, however, she cannot avoid strife. Due to questions of rivalry,
enmities develop among them. If the husband prefers one of them, those who were
the former favorites make war on her. When strife breaks out, the chief wife must
strive to calm the others, since otherwise, by means of such conflicts, the
house becomes a battlefield. However, in the midst of a crowd of wives, an
intelligent and honest woman can cleverly organize her life. Such a wife
respects the chief wife and considers the latter’s children as her own. She
does not throw remarks here and there about the great wife. When we has the
chance of sleeping tranquilly with the husband, she connives that he continues
to be attracted by her, by giving him pleasurable treatment. When her co-wives
make trouble for her, she does not tell it to her husband, who, in her soul, is
a god, although she may sometimes mention it to others.
Vàtsyàyana explains that an astute co-wife must remember
that if e manages to gain influence over her husband by her skill, she must not
be proud of it or treat the others with contempt. She does not reveal the
secret bonds that exist between her and the husband, since she would lose his
trust and would be despised by him.
Vàtsyàyana explains that, if the chief wife has the
misfortune to be barren, the others must have compassion for her and the
husband must be prompted to treat her with kindness.
In this chapter, Vàtsyàyana also contemplates the case of
a remarried widow, whom he mentions among the wives. One may marry a young girl
who becomes a widow after her first marriage. The remarried widow is of two
kinds: the one a virgin, the other not. The Vasiûþha Småti says that the
girl who has remained virgin, if she had only been betrothed and given, but
without consummation of the marriage, may, with her own agreement, be remarried
according to the rites. Since, according to circumstances, she has been married
twice, she is called reborn (punarbhù).
According to the Scriptures, remarried widows are of six
kinds: virgins; those who are not; those who have had children; etc. A woman
who, being unable to control her feelings, has had sexual relations with a man,
is also called punarbhù (remarried). The second marriage of a virgin widow is
permitted by Scripture, but for one who is no longer virgin, the rites are
forbidden. She is taken for what she is and considered as a kept woman
(rakhela).
In this chapter, Vàtsyàyana also mentions divorce. He
explains that when a woman leaves her husband and, to satisfy her desires, sets
herself up in another’s dwelling, then again leaves him, she can do this
without any problem. If she claims that he lacks temperament, that he is
impotent, and so on, Vàtsyàyana says that a woman who, driven by her
sensuality, leaves a man whom she has married, not only leaves one man, but may
do so with a thousand.
This is why she is not respected. When she has managed to
catch and has left two, three, or four, she is no longer counted as a wife, but
as a whore. On the other hand, Vàtsyàyana explains that the best sort of
remarried widow is one who, once established in the dwelling of someone she
esteems, places herself at the family’s service, as if it were her own. She
busies herself by welcoming guests, with charities and religious offerings,
expenses for the garden and for receptions. If she abandons one lover, on a
whim, to go with another, she must give back all the things that he had given
her.
The duties of the numerous wives dwelling in the King’s
harem are special, since among them some are considered to be of high rank, or
else of middle or low extraction. For kings, the wise author of the Kàma-Sùtra
explains that, whatever the number of wives, he must treat them all with the
same consideration. He explains that a woman’s success among the other wives
depends on whether she knows how to check her anger and set an example by her
behavior. She also gains ascendancy over her co-wives and over her husband.
Here ends the
Second Chapter
Concerning
the Conduct of Wives
and the
Fourth Part entitled
Duties and
Privileges of the Wife
of the
Kàma Sùtra by Vàtsyàyana
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar