Forms Of Marriage

Part Three

Acquiring a Wife

[kanyà samprayukta]

Chapter One

Forms Of Marriage

[varana Samvidhàna]

A man who is trying to conquer a girl expert in the sixty-four arts does not arrange a meeting without first getting information. We will describe the preparations for organizing a meeting with a view to obtaining the girl. There are eight forms of marriage, which are:

Bràhmaóa, priestly

Pràjàpatya, royal

Àrûa, ancestral

Daiva, astral

Gàndharva, of the heavenly musicians

Àsura, of the genies

Paiúaca, of the incubus

Ràkûasa, of the demons.

The first four conform to moral law. This is why the reasons for choosing are explained, as well as preferences for one kind of marriage rather than bother.

1 For raising a family, the girl should be young; belong to the same caste [savaróà]; without previous experience; observant of the sacred books as far as virtue and money are concerned; agreeable to the relationship; desirous of amorous relations and of having children.

She must be of the same caste as her husband, not have been intended for another in thought, word, or deed, which is what the codes call firsthand. She should, with discrimination, be respectful of the sacred books and follow their precepts.

By virtue [dharma] is meant devotion to duty and conjugal love. She should have a dowry [yautaka] and know how to look after a house, be obliging, not eat alone. She should deserve total trust.

2 One must seek a girl born of a noble family, with both father and mother alive, younger than the boy by three years at least, with a good character, rich, devoted to her family, fond of her kinsmen, having good relations with her neighbors, pubescent, obedient, pretty, well mannered, not banal, healthy in mind and body, without missing or too many teeth, nor decayed, her nails, ears, hair, eyes, and breasts without defect, without any constitutional disease.

3 According to Ghotakamukha, she should, by temperament, be interested in domestic affairs and not denigrate her own kind.

The grounds for choosing are of two kinds: from the human point of view or from the astrological point of view.

A In order to form an opinion about her, people must be found who are connected with her father and mother and, for the purposes of this inquiry, the views of friends and persons who frequent the house should also be taken into account.

Her father and mother are questioned by friends sent by the suitor. For this purpose, kin of the suitor’s family are utilized, but also occasionally friends of the boy’s, so long as they have contacts with the father or mother.

The servants’ views should not be overlooked.

The boy’s father, mother, and other kin must strive to get information about the girl’s qualities. Friends may also be used if they have some relationship with the two parties.

5 Thanks to their investigations, one is able to know of any apparent defects that could mitigate against an alliance. Qualities necessary in the investigators are that they should be of good family, enterprising, and capable of bringing their enterprise to a successful conclusion. They must take particular care to inquire into any illnesses the girl may have.

The boy’s representatives will thus also learn whether she is toothless, or bald, or has other evident disfiguring defects, such as lameness, hunchback, and so on, which would make her useless. Her father will also make inquiries about the boy’sfamily, whether he is serious-minded, does not drink, and contemplates a religious marriage. If be is satisfied, and if the girl agrees, her father, without constraining her, will decide on the marriage.

At the same time, the omens must be consulted.

6" Consulting the omens refers to the signs of destiny [daiva], omens deriving from the position of the planets, their conjunctions, influence, and meaning for the boy’s future, foretelling a happy destiny for him.

The boy’s representatives explain that his year of birth is favorable and an omen of peace, that the flight of crows and other birds is in the right direction and, that at the exact moment of his birth, the favorable planets were together in the same place, at dawn.

Considering the direction, moment, place, the omens, and their influence, and comparing them to his horoscope, they deduce future events, such as becoming commander in chief, or quartermaster general, or so on. Signs of good omen are considered as the basis of success. This concerns material success.

The investigators sent by the suitor, chatting like astrologers, describe the favorable signs of his birth and the position of the planets in his horoscope, announcing great material gains and the certainty of his future happiness.

7 Furthermore, they gratify the girl’s mother by evoking the misfortune that ‘would be hers if she were to marry another.

Still under the pretext of pondering on the omens, should there be any question of marrying the girl to someone else, they describe the boy’s prospects of becoming commander in chief of the army or of occupying some other important post, which are assured by the conjunction of the planets. They flatter the girl’s mother, so that she will agree to the marriage.

8 It is only after having established the concordance of the signs of destiny, the moments, omens, and the position of the stars, that the girl may be given in marriage.

Destiny is the result of the good or evil actions performed in previous lives. It is called destiny because it is manifested in the planets and constellations. If the six elements do not correspond, what fool would act against the indications of destiny, after having consulted the omens according to the prescriptions of the sacred books? After watching the position of the planets on the ecliptic for the whole night, the girl’s family gives her hand to the fiance who wishes to marry her.

Having examined the compatibility of the planets and signs of the zodiac, avoiding the six and eight conjunctions, and having studied the moment and omens in the middle of the night, those who have decided to unite the boy and girl in marriage seize the moment when the conjunctions are favorable to tie the matrimonial bond.

9 Ghotakamukha says that this bond must not be established by chance, since it is not something personal, but involves the whole family and caste. If there are indications contrary to the marriage, the giving of the girl must not take place. According to Ghotakamukha’s authority, it is forbidden.

It is not just the parents of the boy and girl who establish the bonds of matrimony: the agreement of the family and other kin is also necessary.

10 A girl who sleeps too much, weeps a lot, or goes out walking alone should be rejected.

If, since her earliest childhood, she has liked to stay in bed, if she has a sad humor and weeps, if she often leaves the house, he realizes that he must renounce her and, at the moment of marriage, he refuses the bond.

11 If she has a bad reputation, is secretive, breaks her word, is bald, has marks on her skin like a cow, has breasts that are too big, or yellowish hair; if she is round-shouldered, very thin, hairy, disobedient, immoral, has uterine hemorrhages [raka], is agitated; if she has childhood friends or a very young brother, and if her hands are always damp, she should be rejected.

One should renounce a girl who goes to friends’ houses, who has brothers who are at least three years younger, who are still very small. It is said that “one should avoid a girl with young brothers aged between four and eight, because a girl who is attached to them will never settle down elsewhere.”

12 In no case should one marry a girl who bears the name of a constellation, or a tree, or whose name ends with the letter “l” or “r.”

13 Some opine that fortune comes when their hearts and glances are united, otherwise it would be better to renounce the marriage.

Although she is fond of her family, if her thoughts and looks express love, she will be a good wife for attaining the three aims of life, and is therefore a good choice. If such is not the case, then she is a bad choice, because she is marrying only out of obedience to her family. Without this concordance of heart and looks, one should reflect on the greater and lesser problems of life.

Examining the reasons for forming a bond with the girl’s family, he says:

1-4 At the moment of being handed over, the girl is standing sumptuously dressed, as are those who have come to fetch her, and is chatting with her longtime friends who have gathered together. For the marriage rite, she must strive to be amiable toward the people assembled and, in the same way, during the rejoicings, show that she is satisfied with her marriage.

The girl should not appear apathetic on being handed over and must be attentive at the moment of marriage. She is surrounded by people of her own family. The previous day, she will have taken part in organizing the ceremonies, amusing herself with her friends over traveling in a palanquin, and so on, and during the marriage rite, etc., surrounded by her friends, she pretends to look at the others with astonishment.

When the girl is of an age to be married, her parents dress her in beautiful clothes. In the evening, with her friends, she amuses herself with adornments. She must be superbly dressed for the marriage rite and the rejoicing, since an object that is not carefully decorated does not attract buyers. This is why, if people do not see her in her beauty, they will not be drawn to her for the wedding.

The characteristics and conduct of the suitor will now be explained.

15 When he departs for the marriage, he must look well. Surrounded by his friends, he is welcomed by those present with respectful words.

Well dressed, having performed the ceremonies that bring good luck.

16 But the girl does not show herself to him.

Up to the moment of the handing-over, he must not see her. However, he is allowed to glimpse the girl with her jewels and luxurious garments, in one way or another.

17 Having consulted the omens, the date of the meeting is decided on, then that of the marriage ceremony.

In the royal type of marriage [pràjàpati] in which the girl is simply given by her father, the favorable moment must be determined. After examining the omens with the aid of her friends and family, the decision is taken and the moment for the marriage is established.

Beforehand, the suitor, together with a group of friends, dressed in white, goes to the altar of the funereal deities to pay his debt to his ancestors by offering the four offerings to the dead, prior to interrogating the omens.

18 When the suitor’s party arrives, having taken a ritual bath, etc., they are told, “Everything will go well. Come back later,” and they are not offered anything to eat.

The ceremony according to the royal rite of paternal gift will take place later and, on that day, the bath and other rites are not performed.

19 According to local convention or one’s own desire, the Brahma [priestly], pràjàpati [royal], Àrûa [ancestral], daiva [astral], or other kinds of marriage should be performed according to the rites laid down by the sacred books. Here ends the subject of marriage.

“With a joyful heart I give you my daughter, covered with jewels, “ is the priestly rite.

The royal rite consists of pronouncing the formula “May you together practice virtue.”

For the ancestral rite, the marriage is performed with the gift of cows.

A vow is taken at the domestic altar in the astral rite.

The rites are described in the Gåhya Sùtra, or domestic rituals.

There are twenty-three forms of marriage. The four forms of priestly, royal, ancestral, and astral marriage are the only ones that conform to the prescriptions of the holy books.

20 In this connection, it is said that one should play, marry, associate with one’s equals, people of one’s own circle. One should work with one’s equals, not with people who are superior or inferior.

The best relationships are with people of the same religion, who have the same values. If they are different, it is more difficult to manage to have a good relationship.

21 A prudent man avoids marrying a woman of superior status, since he would lead the life of a servant.

Especially if she is rich and he poor.

22 The man who marries a woman poorer than himself behaves as a master, and the woman is like his slave. A circumspect man avoids this kind of marriage.

Such a marriage is not advised, inasmuch as habits are different as well as relations with other people.

23 When the married couple have the same pleasures, tastes, and amusements, they enhance each other’s value. This kind of marriage is recommended.

They complement one another and make each other shine.

24 Whoever marries someone richer becomes inferior in the home. Neither should one marry anyone inferior. Such unions are condemned by the sages.

Vàtsyàyana gives several counsels concerning the life of the couple and married life. He takes exception to free marriage and sexual behavior without barriers, as well as infidelity, and recommends marriage with a young girl according to the rules of the sacred books as contributing to the progress of decent people in virtue and riches.

Yàjñavalkya, in his småti, gives the same advice:

“When one speaks of the twice-born marrying úùdra women, in my opinion there can be no true bond.”

In the Mitàkûara commentary, it says that marriage can have three aims: pleasure, procreation, or virtue. Of these, the one with progeny in view is of two kinds: one is permanent, while the other is love (kamya). For a permanent relationship, the essential element is a girl of one’s own caste. In a love marriage, by the very permanence of love, the principle of identical caste becomes secondary.

With regard to marriage, Manu says, “The one toward whom he has affection is the one he had best marry.”

Under the influence of love, a Bràhmaóa may marry the girls of all four castes. A Kûatriya can marry girls from three castes, except a Bràhmaóa. A Vaiúya those of two castes. Only the Úùdra must marry within his caste. Manu’s opinion is, however, refuted by Yàjñavalkya, who says, “As you were begotten, so must you in turn beget.” The son must be his father’s image. Yàjñavalkya is firm on this point. Bràhmaóa, Kûatriyas, and Vaiúyas may not beget a son with a Úùdra woman.

In order to have progeny, if this is indispensable, a Bràhmaóa may marry a Kûatriya or a Vaiúya, and a Kûatriya a Vaiúya.

Vàtsyàyana does not clarify the question of love marriage (kamya vivaha). Although attaching great importance to the purity of the bloodline, he submits to the instructions of the Scriptures and the ethical regulations concerning marriage.

In such a case, the satisfying of erotic desire is in contradiction with ethical concepts. This is why prudence is required in establishing a marriage. One must assure that the girl belongs to one’s own caste, that she is not without guarantors and that, as far back as one can go, among her ancestors there can have been no deceit as to their belonging to the race. Vàtsyàyana requires that, over and above belonging to the same social group (jàti), there can be no shadow of doubt that, since her earliest childhood, her virginity cannot be questioned either in word, in thought, or deed. Yàjñavalkya, too, declares, “The boy who is still a virgin must marry a woman who has not been deflowered, who is beautiful, younger than he, and has a family relationship allowing them to take part in the same funerary rites.”

“A girl who has not had any relation with another man, who is beautiful to see and hear, who is not consanguineous (of the same gotra), is without defect as to her status and physical aspect, is the one whom one should marry.”

It is also required, however, that the young suitor himself be still chaste, since otherwise he must look for a woman like himself. This is what Yàjñavalkya clearly appears to be saying.

Vàtsyàyana, having examined the sacred texts concerning ethics and society, from the points of view of psychology and physiology, is wry strict in all matters concerning the marriage bond.

From the point of view of the Dharma Úàstra, it is necessary for the girl to be of the same caste, but not consanguineous, and from the social point of view that her parents are alive and that she has good family relations. He examines the girl’s qualities and character. From The physical point of view, she must be without blemish or disease.

So that girls can find a suitable husband, Vàtsyàyana recommends that they should be made to go out well clothed and ornamented, that they should go to frequented places, in order that, seduced by their beauty, men should seek to marry them. Vàtsyàyana explains that, just as buyers in the bazaars will not purchase an object without seeing it, a girl’s marriage can only be accomplished if she has been seen and appreciated.

He thus refers to the customs of his own time. It appears that at that time, the practice of svayamvara, whereby the girl would choose from among her suitors, no longer existed. In the Vedic period, there were very few rules concerning marriage. According to the Rig Veda, there were numerous girls who, wishing to get married, invited the boys and married them. Beautiful and prosperous girls would themselves choose a husband from the crowd of suitors.

Before marrying a girl, Vàtsyàyana recommends examining her nails, teeth, ears, hair, and breasts, which should not be too small nor too large, nor should they be lacking, and verifying that she has no disease.

According to Manu, “one should marry a girl whose ancestors are known for ten generations, whose character and virtue are acknowledged, while one should avoid those who have contagious diseases or belong to families of very high rank.”

According to the commentary on the Yàjñavalkya Småti, one should avoid a girl some of whose family members are without a profession, without male children, without religion, hairy, suffer from hemorrhoids, phthisis, bad digestion, epilepsy, white leprosy, or leprosy.

Vàtsyàyana considers the life of the married couple as the best of lives when cohabitation is continuous. To avoid sexual excesses or unfaithfulness, the girl must be married according to the prescribed rules, it being within the family context that virtue and riches develop.

At that time, it appears that young people gathered together and played all sorts of games. It is then that the ties of love are established and marriage is decided on. However, Vàtsyàyana’s aim seems to be merely to show off the girl’s beauty and attractions, carefully bedecked to attract proposals.

Sometimes the proposal was addressed to the girl’s father and, if the family data did not correspond, the father’s refusal could drive the girl to despair. Vàtsyàyana recommends that as soon as the girl has been seen, her marriage should be arranged without delay. The family had to be consulted and no final answer could be given before examining the suitor’s family status. Having obtained information about the boy’s family, character, and intelligence, the relations between his parents, his merits, knowledge, and the state of his fortune, the marriage would then be decided on.

According to the Nìti Úàstra, the Rules of Behavior, “the girl’s hand must be given after having checked seven qualities of the suitor, concerning his family, character, health, knowledge, fortune, antecedents, and age.”

According to Aúvalàyana, during the night before the first marriage rite, eight balls (pióða) must be prepared, using earth taken from a stable (goûàlà), an anthill (valmìka), a fireplace (dyùtasthàna), the bank of a pond, the fields (kûetra), a crossroads (chatuûpatha), and from the cremation ground (shmashàna). The girl is then asked to touch one of these balls. If she touches the one made of stable earth, it is a sign of riches; the anthill ball signifies an abundance of cattle; the fireplace ball, participation in the rites (yajña, agnihotra, etc.); the ball made from earth from the bottom of the pond, wisdom and intelligence; the one from the bank, sickness; the one from the crossroads, unfaithfulness; and the one from the cemetery, widowhood.

Once the marriage has been decided on, the rite must be chosen, in accordance with local custom.

The codes of ethics mention eight forms of marriage:

Priestly (Brahma): the girl, covered with jewels, is given with nothing received in return.

Royal (Pràjàpatya): the girl is given by her father, without any counterpart.

Ancestral (Àrûa): the girl is exchanged for two bulls. Astral (daiva): the girl is given to the officiating priest during a yajña (sacrifice).

Of the heavenly musicians (Gàndharva): love marriage without ceremony or the agreement of the families. Of the genies (Àsura): the girl is bought from her parents.

Of the incubus (Paiúaca): the girl is kidnapped without her consent.

Of the demons (rakûasa): the girl is taken as booty, after her family has been destroyed in a war.

The first four are the only ones allowed by the holy books. The other four are forbidden, because they are against the law, are barbarous, impulsive, and antisocial, breaking the barriers of ethics and social order. According to Yàjñavalkya, in priestly marriage, the suitor, already chosen, is summoned and the girl, covered with jewels as far as Possible, is handed over to him.

According to the Vivàha Paddhati (the marriage ritual), the son of the future wife must have twenty paternal and maternal ancestors of noble lineage, and the girl must not have known other men.

In royal marriage (Pràjàpatya), the father gives his daughter, saying “Both of you must observe morals.” For this kind of marriage, there must be proof of six generations on both sides.

In astral marriage, the girl is given to the priest (ritvik) who has performed a yajña, or ritual sacrifice, while in ancestral marriage, she is given in exchange for two bulls.

Friendship and love must be practiced between equals, neither with superiors nor with inferiors.

End of the First Chapter

Forms of Marriage

of the Third Part entitled Acquiring a Wife