Petting

Chapter Three

Petting And Caresses

[àliògana] 

Kissing is as much a part of lovemaking as blows, scratching, and biting, but one must know when and how to do it.

1 There are no special moments in which kissing, scratching, and biting should be employed, since they are constantly used in amorous relations and preliminaries. Slaps and sighs are also a part of sexual practice.

When seized by passion, no particular order has to be followed. These practices usually take place prior to the penetration of the instrument. They are recommended for provoking or arousing excitement before the male and female are united by the instrument. The blows that stimulate desire are also employed beforehand, as well as the sighs that they cause. With kisses, scratching, and biting, there is no before and after, since in erotic excitement there is no order or reason. These practices are generally used to stimulate excitation. Moreover, blows and sighs also continue during copulation. That is one opinion: its Opposite is also given.

2 Passion knows no rules, nor place, nor time, Vàtsyàyana declares.

People bursting with ardor know no rules, but less active persons are sometimes perplexed.

3 During the preliminaries, they should not be overindulged in, and once confidence has been established, they should be used prudently. Even when excitation is evident, great care should be taken, especially if they are combined the better to inflame desire.

These five practices [kisses, scratches, bites, blows, and sighs] should not be violent. While pursuing one’s goal, self-control is necessary and the various practices should be tried one at a time, not together, either a kiss or a scratch, a kiss or a bite, a kiss or a few blows. If one strikes a blow, caress the hair twice the right way and then twenty times the wrong way.

To begin with, desire is weak. When interest is relative, one does not put up with much, and it is best to control oneself. Later on, as desire for intercourse increases, the body is no longer fearful. The thighs can then be stroked, then whatever part one wants, and one finds twenty ways of doing things that can be suggested to increase desire, so that intercourse is not tasteless, and establishes a lasting relationship between the two. Kissing and the other activities must be practiced in succession. The order to be followed is determined by increasing confidence. One thing must be done after the other: it is not possible to do everything at once.

4 Kisses can be placed on the brow, the cheeks, the throat, the eyes, a boy’s chest, a woman’s breast, the lower lip, inside the mouth.

Kisses in other places are not recommended by the authors of old.

In the mouth means sucking the tongue. At the same time, one also embraces the thighs, the armpits, the groin, the navel. When passion is aroused, there is no part of the body that cannot be embraced. Vàtsyàyana says that it is not possible to count all the parts of the body where men place their lips.

The inhabitants of the Làta country also embrace the thighs, the armpits, and the vulva. According to the intensity of desire and local custom, different parts are embraced.

According to Vàtsyàyana, while kisses play a role in causing excitation, they are better when accompanied by scratches and bites. When feeling amorous, one should start with kisses and continue with scratches and bites. It is a mistake to believe that during the first moments there are no rules. As long as one keeps one’s senses, one is aware of what one is doing. Later on, all control is lost. Under the word ràga, Vàtsyàyana studies the erotic practices of the whole world. He calls ràga the fifth degree of desire (rati). During the preliminaries, when desire is gradually increasing, he calls it love (prema).

Just as the sun’s heat makes butter melt, so, when love melts reason (chitta), affection (sneha) is formed. With increasing affection comes consideration (màna). When consideration grows, confidence appears (pranaya), and when confidence is full, ràga (passion) develops. When passion reaches its highest level, it is known as anuràga (infatuation).

Vàtsyàyana considers it normal to lose self-control when in a state of passion, and that there are no longer any rules about kisses, and so on. In a state of passion, man and woman suck one another like lumps of sugar. They find pleasure, whether in embracing or in scratching and biting. A sugar-loaf is sweet at whatever point it is cut. In approaching the spouse, or at the start when lovers unite, great precautions are necessary. The seed of desire, born of mutual attraction, must develop. To make it grow and flourish, much delicacy is needed. It must be watered with the ambrosia of kisses and caresses.

Once desire has grown and become strong, taking on the aspect of passion, the moment has come for kisses, scratches, and bites. Once passion has developed, there is no further need to worry about using them. It is no longer the concern of the man alone, since the woman too, once the prey of passion, is ready to respond to all the man’s attacks. Her amorous desire (vàsanà) is so activated that, losing all respectability, shame, and shyness, she herself embraces the man with force, responding to his kisses with her own, and to his scratches and cites with her own scratches and bites.

Vàtsyàyana draws attention to the fact that if, at the start of activity, the man, carried away by his excitation, begins to embrace, scratch, and bite, attacking the girl’s tender body, she will not experience pleasure but, on the contrary, will develop a feeling of repulsion toward the man, a hostility that will be established forever in her mind. Women are not only fragile in their limbs, but also in their feelings and mind. Considering her like a flower, she must be treated in such a way that she will not close up, but will diffuse her scent. If she is squeezed and embraced brutally, fear, doubt, rage, and contempt will develop in her mind and will stay with her for the rest of her life. She must be treated with an understanding of her state of mind and fragility. It is important to realize on what part of her body she prefers to be embraced, at what moment she likes to be bitten or scratched. During the first three days, the man must be very careful, since it is during this time that she can take a permanent aversion to him. At this time, with patience and sweetness, the man must drive away the woman’s natural apprehensions, and be careful of her ethical problems and modesty. Women prefer to make love in the dark. If the young man prefers a light in order to look at her, scratch and bite her, a virtuous girl will see the man’s efforts as the work of a devil and will continue to do so: she will consider the man as something inhuman.

Happiness both given and received is mutual enjoyment. For this shared happiness and pleasure, a man is willing to give himself entirely. For a man as for a woman, the total gift of self is a source of wonderful happiness and luck. Sexual intercourse is not merely a pleasure of the senses: more important is the sacrifice of oneself, the gift of self. To understand the mystery of sexual intercourse, to know and make use o what is fitting is the essential difference between man and beast.

Love and pleasure are the two main mental aspects of sexuality Love creates the impulse and feeling, but amorous desire follows its own path. Many believe that a couple has no need to learn erotic arts and that nature will teach them everything. Those who believe that, or reaching middle age, become unhappy and desperate. Their life in common no longer has any savor and mutual hostility develops. Often, they lose their trust in each other. Vàtsyàyana explains how, in order to guard against such a change, the preliminaries of copulation can be used, kisses and caresses that awake desire and, when amorous stimulation (kàma samvega) has reached its peak, continuing immediately with kisses, scratchings, and so on.

As places to kiss, Vàtsyàyana indicates the brow, the hair, the cheeks, the eyes, the chest, the breasts, the lower lip, and the tongue, but he also adds that the people of the Làta country kiss the thighs, the joints, the armpits, and the sex (pedu). The possibilities of kissing vary according to the country. It is the custom of the people of Niúàda that one should embrace at night, never during the day. King Nala, when his beloved Damayantì was unsatisfied, said craftily to one of her companions, “Tell your friend to forgive the shortcomings of this wretch that I am, since the kisses I practice at night are forbidden to me during the day.” Vàtsyàyana also indicates how the people of Làta embrace, and in his Naiûadiya Charitra, Úrì Harûa makes his hero Nala say, “Well beloved, the clothes that cover your body have an immense fortune: they are like a lucky man who embraces your buttocks, your sex, and your breasts.”

Bhikûu Padmashri too, acknowledges that, according to place and character, women like kisses on certain parts. They take their pleasure according to their nature, and so it is necessary to fall in with their habits. If one kisses contrary to custom and local sentiment, it is an amusement which no longer has any meaning and becomes distressing, like the air from a fan to someone who is cold.

5 The people of Làta country [Gujaràt] also lick the labia of the vagina [nàbhimùla], the crotch [urusandhi], the underside of the arms and the pubis [pedu].

Nàbhimùla: the root “navel” really means varàòga [the best of members, i.e., the sex].

6 Vàtsyàyana’s opinion is that in the heat of passion, and following local custom, people lick these parts and places, which does not, however, imply that everyone should do the same.

Kissing the thigh joints and other parts, as practiced in Làta country, are not practiced elsewhere.

These parts are considered indecent by well-thinking people. The places reached by lowering the head are considered kisses because the face takes part in them. They are performed the one lying on the other, in an inverted position, which many people consider degrading.

Here follow the three kinds of kisses.

7 Kisses given to girls are of three kinds: nominal [nimittaka], vibrant [sphuritaka], and rubbing [ghattitaka].

8 Nominal [nimittaka]

Seizing tier head with his hands, he applies his mouth forcefully on hers, but without violence.

Out of delicacy, he does not seek to seize her lower lip: this is termed a nominal kiss because it is limited to lip contact. In the hope of inciting the woman to suck his lip, the man places his mouth on hers, but she does not open her lips.

9 Vibrant [sphuritaka]

He seeks to insert his lip into her mouth, but does not attempt to seize her mouth. Since her lips tremble, however, she does not allow him to seize her lower lip.

When the lover presses his lip to the woman’s mouth, the latter shyly tries to press their lips together. Because her lower lip trembles slightly, out of shyness her upper lip remains closed. This sort of kiss is called sphuritaka [vibrant].

10 Rubbing [ghattitaka]

Holding him loosely, she closes her eyes and covers his eyes with her hands. She then rubs her lover’s lips with her tongue.

After having begun to feel the pleasure of their relation, she seizes her lover’s lip, which he has inserted into her mouth. Feeling shy, however, she closes her eyes and, placing her hands over the boy’s eyes, she rubs her lover’s lip with her tongue. This sort of kiss is called ghattitaka [rubbed],

11 There are a further four kinds of kiss: equal [sama], crosswise [tiryaka], reverse [udbhranta], and pressed [pìditaka].

Equal [sama]; face to face, the man and woman make contact with their lips.

Crosswise [tiryaka], turning the bead slightly, the lips are caught by making them round.

Reverse [udbhranta]; being seated behind, catch the head and cheeks and turning them toward one, sucking the lips.

Pressed [pìditaka]; when the lips are closely pressed together in any of the three previous kisses.

12 The fifth bold [pañcama grahana]

A fifth kind of kiss is performed pressing the lips very closely, bringing the fingertips together and pressing the cheeks, then pressing the lips together without letting the teeth touch.

With the nails, press both cheeks, seizing the woman’s lips with the mouth, in such a way that the teeth do not touch. This is what is known as pìditaka, pressing closely. Such are the five kinds of kisses.

Vàtsyàyana proposes three kinds of kiss suitable for very young girls (kanyà). According to the Dharma Úàstra, kanyà means a seven-year-old girl, which does not seem very practicable in this context. The author of the Kàma Sùtra probably wishes to indicate the sexual use of girls who have attained sexual maturity by perching them on a stool. They are attractive, but have not had relations with men. The word kanyà — very young girl — must mean a young unmarried girl. The Mahàbhàrata defines the word as meaning a desirable unmarried girl.

The order indicated for these kisses is envisaged from a psychological point of view. If, during their first relations, the boy wants to force the girl to suck his lip and press her lips on his, she will allow it to be done, but will not respond to his desire. This is what Vàtsyàyana calls nimittaka, nominal. The girl desires the kiss, but is shy and dares not respond. Later on, she will be the one who takes the initiative. The boy will then consider that he has been successful.

When she makes love a second time, the girl is less shy. She presses her lips to his and rounds her mouth in order to suck his lower lip, but her upper lip remains immobile. This is the kiss that Vàtsyàyana calls “vibrant” (sphuritaka), because one of her lips trembles.

To begin with, the girl is paralyzed with fear, modesty, and hesitation. Doubt is subsequently replaced by pleasure. The desire for enjoyment and copulation develops. The boy no longer needs to make an effort to get kisses, it is she who seizes his lips. In speaking of the third kiss, Vàtsyàyana explains that although the girl no longer hesitates or is upset, due to her remaining modesty, she closes her eyes. She remains still undecided between her desire and her hesitation.

13 The kissing game

A game is established.

Only kisses on the mouth are intended, not anywhere else. Passion is stirred up by a kissing competition. It is a game, since there is a winner and a loser.

14 The first to seize the other’s lip is the winner. As in a game, it is necessary to take the other by surprise. Since there is a winner, a quarrel is inevitable, which is also a stimulant.

15 If she loses, she cries a little and wrings her hands, she sighs, threatens him, bites him and then, turning round, she draws him to her forcefully, ill-treats and insults him. If he wins again, she ill-treats him doubly.

16 The trick [ kapatadyùta]

Taking advantage of the self-satisfied hero’s inattention, the heroine catches his lip with her teeth and immobilizes him. If he protests, she threatens him, shakes him, dances about joyfully waving her arms and telling him some home truths.

She loudly boasts of her victory. If her lover gets cross, she challenges him, her eyes dancing and arms waving until he shows his strength. Thus finishes the affectionate conflict of the war of kisses.

17 The ways of scratching with the nails, biting with the teeth, and striking, which are also games of combat, will be described below.

18 The lovers make use of them because they are both in a moment of acute excitation.

And may their sexual games long endure.

19 Kissing the upper lip

While the woman is sucking the lower lip of the boy, the latter seizes her upper lip with his lips. This is called kissing the upper lip.

Two ways of kissing are described for the couple:

20 In the first, called the box, both lips are seized between the teeth and are sucked. This is called shutting the box [samputaka], and can be practiced by either boy or girl.

So long as the boy does not wear a moustache.

21 Tongue combat [jihvàyuddha]

Having performed the closing of the box, rubbing the tongue lengthily over the other’s teeth and palate is called the combat of tongues.

22 It is thus that mouth wrestling and teeth conflict should be understood.

23 Special kisses [chumbanaviúeûa]

Besides the ones already described, there are a further four kinds of kisses called: equal [sama], pressed [pìdita], devouring [ashchita], delicate [mridu]. They consist of embracing particular parts of the body, and are known as special kisses.

These kisses are performed otherwise than face to face. Sama [equal], is done on the brow or elsewhere, on the thigh-joint, the armpits, the pubis, neither too hard nor too soft.

Pidita [pressed], on the cheeks, the armpits, the sexual region.

Ashchita [devouring], on the brow, the chin, and the body up to the armpits.

Mridu [delicate], lightly touching the eyes.

Such are the special kisses.

Sama, seated or lying next to each other, kissing or nibbling the thighs, chest, armpits. Pidita, seizing the breasts, cheeks, buttocks, navel and pressing and kneading them. Ashchita, tickling and kissing lightly below the-breasts and the armpits. Mridu, lightly touching the neck, feasts, buttocks, and back. These are the four kinds of kisses.

Vàtsyàyana explains how to introduce an element of competition into kissing: of the boy or the girl, who will be the first to seize the other’s lips? The aim of these games is to fire passion, establishing physical intimacy between the boy and girl which will lead to coition. It is not so in every case, however. If the boy and girl are very ardent, they have no time to lose before getting to copulation.

According to the Ujjvala Nìlamaói of Rùpagosvàmì, “a sexual relationship without preliminaries is incomplete. Desire, affection, love create a lasting state of mind, through which the boy and girl, stimulated by caresses and kisses, abandon themselves wholeheartedly to the act of love.”

24 The inflamer

Seeing the mouth of her sleeping lover, she kisses him in order to reach her own ends. This is the inflamer kiss [ràgadìpana].

In order to arouse his desire, she embraces him and wakes him with a kiss, so that he immediately understands her intentions. This kind of kiss is called the inflamer.

 

25 The encouragement

When the boy seems distracted or in a bad mood, or for some other reason looks elsewhere; if he seems to be asleep or falls asleep, the kiss of encouragement [chalita] should be used.

If he is distracted by music or reading, or if, out of vanity, he is looking for a quarrel, or stays offended after a quarrel; if he looks elsewhere or seems sleepy or falls asleep, in order to shake his indifference or whatever, he needs a kiss of encouragement,

When the boy seems indifferent to the girl, quarrels with her, or shows interest in other girls, or falls asleep, in order to attract his attention, appease the quarrel, wake him from sleep, the girl must embrace him, which is known as the kiss of encouragement [chalita].

26 The awakening [pratibodhika]

When her lover returns home late and kisses the sleeping girl, his intention is clear. This kind of kiss is called the awakening kiss [pratibodhika].

27 When the girl has thus been awakened by her lover, she should put his love to the test by feigning to sleep when he arrives.

28 When he sees his girl’s shadow in a mirror, on a wall, or in the water, the lover should kiss the shadow to show his feelings.

29 A young man [bàlà] who kisses a portrait painted by an artist, also kisses a reflection.

He takes the portrait and clasps it to him, or else, placing an image of clay or wood in front of him, he kisses the imaginary resemblance that he attributes to the object of his love. With tender words he kisses the illusory presence or image. Thanks to this fiction, he claims the right to kiss it, then, seized by excitation, he touches it with a heightened sensuality and it is evident from his reaction that he feels erotic satisfaction.

His emotional state can be seen when he seizes, kisses, and clasps to himself the portrait or image.

30 At nighttime, during entertainment or family meetings, he approaches her intentionally, he kisses her hands or fingers, or, throwing himself to the ground, her toenails.

31 Although she does not want to, due to sleepiness, she is affected, attracted by the look of the boy, who rests his head on her thigh and kisses it, arousing in her the desire for amorous games.

Somewhat affected by the boy’s contact, and noting his appearance, even if she does not wish to be kissed, she is charmed by the boy’s look and, feigning sleepiness, lets him rest his head on her thigh and kiss it, and suck her toes, moved because he is at her feet. She does not reproach m for his behavior, since she is charmed to see him at her feet, desirous of an amorous encounter, for the contact of their two bodies and to exchange a few words. Taken by the same feeling, they give themselves over to simulated kisses [chàyà] if other forms of contact are impossible under the circumstances.

If the girl whose foot the boy is squeezing is attracted by or enamoured of him, to show her feelings, she will let him lay his face on her thigh, suck her big toe. She will, however, pretend to be asleep, so that those present believe that it is due to the effect of sleep that she allows the boy to lay his face on her thigh.

It is necessary to know the right time for preliminary play.

32 Each of the two lovers must respond action with action, blow with blow, for each activity the same activity, for each kiss a return kiss.

For any practice or aggression, the same practice or aggression should be inflicted by way of example. With blows and kisses, the same coin should be repaid. For indecent acts, however, kisses practiced by animals should not be repaid in kind, nor similar ways of copulating. At the same time, if he makes use of uncommon practices, he should be repaid in the same coin.

Before making love, in order to stimulate desire, the woman should , behave just as the man. Whatever the man practices on the woman ; should also be practiced on him by her. The woman should kiss just as , the man does. Whatever the circumstances, open or secret kisses cause’, both man and woman wonderful pleasure. When lovers kiss, their purpose is to draw close to each other, to develop love and mutual trust. Kisses, quarrels, blows, scratches, and bites arouse amorous ador and pleasure.

Lips play an important role and are one of the most sensitive areas of the body. Caused by contact, an electric current passes through the lips. When a boy and girl experience such a shock at their first kiss, they become mad with desire and want only to go aside somewhere to copulate. In their kisses, they find love’s oneness, a feeling so strong that they can no longer see each other’s faults. Young people kissing become radiant. The kiss is the gateway to bliss and amorous experience. The kiss provokes erotic ardor, agitates the heart, and is an incitation to the natural gift of self.

The kiss is a tradition to be met with everywhere: its instruments are lips and teeth. Women like being bitten, since bites cause rapid excitation. Kissing with the teeth is an art that must be practiced gently, and is particularly efficacious when the tips of the breasts and the buttocks are nibbled.

Kisses are described by numerous authors. According to Bhikûu Padmashri, if one simultaneously strokes the clitoris and squeezes the breasts, the kiss is known as vipìdita (insistent). Kissing with the teeth on the brow and the lip, while turning the head, is called “the vagabond.” Kissing while lifting the head and embracing the eyes and brow is the “joyful” kiss. Kissing the navel, the cheeks, and breasts, and kissing while turning back the lip, is the “vibrant” kiss. Kissing with both lips together on the heart, the leg, or thigh, is the “satisfied” kiss. Kissing while turning the head, on the cheeks, the neck, and the chest is the “twisted” kiss. A kiss with tightened lips first on the cheeks, then all over the body, is called a “bowed” kiss.

End of the Third Chapter

Petting and Caresses

of the Second Part entitled Amorous Advances